We all hate critics, specially the ones who have seen our struggles and yet…
Irony is, no matter how much we hate criticism; we all do need an honest critic in our life. Problem is everyone that we meet in life wants to be a critic, just not the honest type.
When it comes to others we are the first one to judge and give our verdict. Right or wrong, sometimes we just don’t know when to stop.
I too have faced this problem, but the other way around.
My problem is that I don’t have enough critics in my life. At least not those daring enough to speak directly to me.
Here I want to make this point pretty clear, that any one who think he/she is a good critic but speak only to your back, is just a jerk; not an inch of a critic.
A critic is the one who has the capability to stand in front of you and tell you what is right and wrong with the subject matter.
Moreover, what is the benefit of talking behind someone’s back, other than feel happy doing gossiping. Criticism is to suggest areas of improvement while gossiping is done just for the sake of pleasure.
As I have said earlier I don’t have the privilege of having enough critics in my life. It’s only one so far, and that person is my best friend for this sole reason.
I am pretty sure when you will go through the points ahead; you are also going to cross almost all the names from your long list of critics; and whoever is still left on this list, you would love to have them in your life. Are you ready with your list of critics?
First and foremost, cross all those who you think criticize you but they have never done so on your face. If there is even a single time that they have confronted you or told you what you are doing wrong, then keep them in the list.
Secondly, do this person criticize only you, or just everyone around him/her. If this person criticize everyone and everything in his life, than pardon this person and cross him out too. This person just need love and maybe some ‘Get well soon‘ cards. It’s in his nature to criticize. He is not doing it to bring something to your attention, he is just seeking attention from you. Best advice – Ignore.
Whoever is listed on your list now just take a note of what kind of critic they are. Does they ever praise you? Take a count of how many times they have found out something good in you and then check this count against the times they have found you worthless. If good point lists is less than even half of bad points; dump this person too. Just cross him out of your critics list. A critic is one who gives you an overall criticism, which involves sharing what you are doing good with your life along with what is going wrong in a fair manner.
So how many still left on the list?
Next, just see if this person is offering advice along with all the criticism or not. Advice or suggestions like this could have been done that way to make it better. For example – if someone says that you are not getting selected in interviews because of your communication issues, maybe you should try on this course, or read this book; or I will find out what we can do to help you with that. That kind of person is wroth keeping. Others just dump.
Lastly, check the tone of criticism. If they are rude to you, they are not a good critic. Anyone who speaks to you in a manner like – your life is a failure, is not worth listening to, even when he has tons of ideas to help you. It is just not worth it. Because no matter what you do with your life or where you will reach ultimately, these kind of negative words are enough to destroy you emotionally. Just stay away from them. No matter how close this person is to you, your family member, your friend or teacher, if whatever he says comes to you like poison to your ear; you need to keep up a distance far enough from hearing range. Cross this one out too.
Now, look at your list.
Whoever is now on your list, you consider them someone who speak truth to you, diluted or undiluted, but the truth. They are caring. They are kind. They are emphatic. They support you and want good for you. They are always the first to praise you when you do good in your life and also the first one to steer you away when you are headed in wrong direction. Most probably they will be last to leave your side, maybe never.
If you have even a single such person in your life, you are lucky. Most of us don’t have these kind of people and friends in their lives. If you find these qualities in a distant acquaintance too, try to keep this person nearby.
Just keep them close. Because they are the ones who will always guide you to do better in your life.
If you don’t have any such person in your life, then don’t fret.
You be the one.
Be an honest critic for someone. Be a mentor. Be someone, others can rely on for an honest advice.