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Women’s Day and We Women

Image March 8, 2020 jcisnowjs 4 Comments

First of all, Happy Women’s Day.

I was in college when I first heard about a day to celebrate Women. I never knew what to do and how to celebrate that day. Still, not exactly sure of how I should be celebrating it; so, I thought of writing ~~How Men should treat their Woman~~ How a woman should treat other women and herself?

Why I do not want to focus on Men here is because all the strong women that I have seen and admired in my life, they have soared high in their lives did so by fighting against patriarchy system. They are not successful because of a man who is in/out of their life. They are successful because they are strong and confident women who chose to live life on their own terms. Point being the support of a male figure in your life is meaningless if you are not capable enough to stand on your feet.

So, putting Men aside, I want to celebrate women by talking about women and how can We be the ones to inspire other women.

The most important thing that every girl/woman should understand is that if there is anything that will be her ‘Jeevan-Saathi’ (Life Partner/Supporter) for all her life; it is going to be her Education and her Skills. Mentioning skills here because I belong to a country where education to girls is considered a privilege, and not everyone is born privileged.

Point to Note – Never ever, I repeat, Never Ever in your life compromise on your education. The whole world may go against you but there is no noble fight than to fight for the right of your education. I was (still am) termed the most difficult child of my family because I went on hunger strikes many times to complete my post-graduation and I am hella proud of it.

Other than Education, the next big thing is – your Career. I have nothing against homemakers and women who worked but left their job to take care of their kids. I did that too, for 5 years, I quit my work and raised my 3 kids. I was happy with my decision but with time I realized how people’s perception will change once you are no longer working (earning money). This is the hardest decision a working woman must make. No one else can raise your kids the way you can, and if you try to manage both kids and your career then your parenting skills will be judged every time you will leave for office. Hell, even your working skills will be questioned every time you leave your office for home.

Point being – No matter what you do, you will be judged, so ignore the world and just focus on what is best for you. Always keep yourself and your kids on priority. First You.

Being a homemaker is harder, as generally, I have seen that nobody takes you seriously. Most of the people think of you as an illiterate girl. As if you know nothing about what is happening around in this world; as if you don’t have any opinion; and, as if your life revolves around kitchen and kids. That’s it. Nothing wrong, even if this is your whole life. What more fulfilling than this?

Point to note here – Invest in some hobby. Have something creative to do in your life. You would definitely need a ‘Me Time‘ in your daily routine. Never compromise on that. If you value yourself and invest in yourself; only then people around you will value you.

The Next Big thing is choosing your life partner (Husband this time). No matter if you are going for an arranged marriage or love marriage; do make a point to know the person before you tie the knot. Talk to him, meet him, spend time with him, discuss everything you think is important to know; discuss your values and discuss your future dreams and aspirations. It is rather hard in case of arranged marriages where girls do not get much time and also have to maintain an image of shy Indian bride and thus do not discuss much with their future life partner, but a little shyness today may cost you a lifetime compromise. Another thing that we are told since childhood is that parents know what is best for you. But, do they know the complete you? My parents always thought of me as the quiet and lonely in her world kind of girl; while my friends knew me as the most talkative, outspoken one; my teachers thought of me as a studious and no-nonsense girl; while my colleagues think of me as a prankster. Contrary to everyone else, my husband still thinks of me as ‘kitni seedhi hai’ 😛

Point to note: Only you know yourself better. You know what qualities your ideal partner should have. Parents, relatives, or friends can help you with your decision, but it should be Your Decision.

There will be many such important decisions that you have to make in your life, like when to have kids, how many kids, how to raise them, where to live, what to cook for dinner, etc… make sure that your voice is heard and respected in all these decisions. Whatever impacts you, must have your say in it.

Few more random points:

Do not blame your parents, or your siblings, friends, relatives for your life’s decisions. If you chose a subject in class because your parents asked you to and now you are regretting it; it is your fault that you didn’t have the courage and conviction to fight for what you actually wanted.

If a woman is in an abusive relationship, never ever judge the actions of that woman. Abuse is abuse. It does not matter what she did to deserve that abuse. Nothing justifies abuse of any kind.
On the same note – if a woman is going through a divorce, or fighting a cheating husband; NO, it was not her fault that her husband cheated on her. Also, no it’s not her karma. It was an abusive, cheating man who has to be blamed for this and that’s it.

Be confident in your own body. You are fat, slim, ugly, pretty, fashionable, or whatever the hell you have labeled yourself – once you are confident about your own body and how you look; these words and labels won’t matter. Most of the time, we are the ones who label ourselves in our mind and then we start looking for reasons to verify these labels whenever we talk to someone.

If someone insults you, about your looks, clothes or anything; be upfront and talk to them. Most of the time, I have found that another person was either jealous or I just misunderstood them. You should feel prouder of yourself if the reason is their jealousy.
Not everyone is out there to get you. If you will ask for help, you will get help. Talk to other women around you. You won’t believe but most of us face the same kind of problems and know how to help another lady.

Do not stop learning. Do not stop growing. Use every opportunity to become a better version. Do not waste this life just being what you were yesterday.
Be confident. Be Positive. Be Calm and be Strong.
Hydrate.
Moisturize.
Step out and don’t forget to apply sunscreen.

Shine My Girl!!

Life

True Essence of Yoga

Image June 22, 2019 jcisnowjs Leave a comment

Yoga

The literal meaning of this word is – Union.

The marketed meaning of this word has become – Breathing and Stretching Exercises.

We celebrated International Yoga Day Yesterday on 21st June 2019. Something which originated in India centuries ago has now widespread on an International level. Its popularity has gained a stronghold, especially in western countries. By declaring 21st June as International Yoga Day, we are now celebrating this rich heritage of India worldwide. The most profound thing here is that Yoga is accepted everywhere by all age groups and ethnicities. Despite the fact that some people confuse it with Hindu Religion and try to deter non-Hindus in accepting this healthy way of living; its positive life-altering experiences has credited in its success and popularity among masses.

But, my question over here is -The Yoga that we are celebrating and promoting, is this the true Yoga in its complete form?

If you google yoga types, you will find Hot Yoga, Yin Yoga, Hybrid Yoga, Power Yoga, etc… I couldn’t comprehend how did we reach here from a simple word which meant – Union.

person meditating — Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

Yoga is as simple as the word Union, its literal meaning.

It is a union of you with your higher self. You may call it God, Universe, Existence, Non -Existence, Nothingness, Everlastingness, or just a union with your true self. Once you will understand the Union aspect of it, then you will also realize that you are never apart. So, why the Union? How can we unite with something from which we were never apart? This union is not physical. This is spiritual and psychological. This is more like a realization through self-discovery.

What we see today everywhere is more of Aasans and Pranaayam; which on a broad level can be categorized as body exercises/postures and breathing techniques to attain a healthy physical body for a healthy mind and in turn, they help you in progressing towards spiritual union(the true Yoga). We certainly need to go step by step and thus this is the most important step to lay the foundation upon which you can climb higher in your spiritual growth. It is as important as a baby’s first step. But, we also need to keep that in mind that purpose of teaching a baby how to walk is not limited to him taking a walk but also teaching him a way of life where he knows what he should be walking towards to.

There are various paths given to achieve this self-realization from Raaj Yoga to Karma Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, and Hath Yoga, etc. There are ‘Yama’ and ‘Niyams’ to be followed like Ahimsa, Asteya, Aparigraha, Santosha, etc. The intent is not to just clean your body of toxins but also your mind, your actions, and your thoughts. We need to integrate it into our behavior and our actions if we want to call it Yoga; otherwise what most of us are doing are just aasans and pranaayaam. This should be the role and responsibility of Yoga teachers who when opening up Yoga Studios and Yoga Workshop teach their disciple that Yoga is done by integrating a way of life where not only our physical body but we also take care of our psychological and Spiritual well being.

In Yoga, we talk about harmony. We talk about our connection with each other. We talk about how we are connected to nature. We talk about how we are one with everything around us. How we are one with The One. It is much much much larger than what we have shown to the world so far. I know with time, we will teach our young generation that how they can start with Aasans and Pranayams and progress through Meditation and a Yoga Path to reach to their full potential and live a life which is filled with joy and compassion.

Happy Yoga Day.

Food, Life

Does your food taste better than…?

Image February 8, 2018 jcisnowjs Leave a comment

How Good are your cooking skills?

I am not that sort of person to ask such question, but just for my curiosity can you answer this question. When you are answering it, you must be going through all the compliments that you have received for your food so far. Compliments on how delicious that particular dish was, how mouth-watering your gravy was on that day, how yummy that cake looked which you made on your kid’s birthday…. Did any of compliments mentioned, how great you cook in comparison to a restaurant/hotel?

A guy in my office, who basically is of European origin, asked me in a very serious tone, “Can I ask you a question about what an Indian guy said to me one time?

Me: yeah, sure.

We were at the lunch table, eating and talking about various cultures when suddenly he asked me this question. By the way, he is a great cook, at least that’s what he claims. I have yet to find proof of his claim.

He: Once I had an Indian friend over at my place for dinner, and about my food, he said to me, “It tastes just like restaurant food”.

He: why did he say such a thing? I just don’t understand, was he trying to insult my food?

That was the time I laugh so hard that I almost choked on my food. All of us present on the table were laughing, except my European friend.

He: and, while he was insulting my food, he was smiling and nodding his head, like it was an acceptable thing to say.

Me: (still laughing) don’t worry, treat it as the highest compliment for your food. He was complimenting your food, not insulting it.

He: but, who compares home-cooked meal to a hotel food. Home cooked is special. I put so much effort into it. It was not at all comparable with a hotel food.

Before our laugh riot could go further, I felt the need to explain.

We(Indians) usually eat homemade food, daily. Occasionally we go to restaurants and order something special. Unlike, most of the people here, who eat outside food daily, and cook at home seldom.

For you, cooking at home is special, as you do it rarely, with family. When you are cooking, your whole family is cooking with you in the kitchen. It is a family celebration. It is special. For us, when we cook, we (woman) cook alone in our kitchen; and most of the time, it is a mundane daily activity for us. But, when we go outside to eat; our whole family goes together to eat and enjoy. That is special for us.

When you are doing something daily, even when it is an important work; with time it loses its importance. We take the breath every second of our life, but we value it when we have to struggle to take it. Food that we are cooking and eating daily loses its charm after a while, but we realize love and effort put into it, once we don’t have that luxury of eating a home-cooked meal. We appreciate only those things which are hard to get.

After talking to him, I realized how important that food is which I am making with my own hands. It has care and love in it. It is special. It can never be like a hotel food.

Now, my husband needs to find a better compliment than saying, “oh, this tastes so good, just like a restaurant.”

Life

Get Married, Everything Will Be Fine

Image April 5, 2017 jcisnowjs 2 Comments

“Shaadi Kardo, sab theek ho jayega (Get Married, Everything Will Be Fine), if you have heard this from your parents; I could say with almost certainty that you are the kid of an Indian parent.

Marriage is the ultimate solution to every problem in the eyes of your parent. It doesn’t even matter if you have reached an age of maturity, as long as legally you can be married; they will marry you, or threaten to marry you, if you have misbehaved in any way. So, if you are above 20 years of age, and still unmarried… chances are every bad thing that you will do, will result in your parent screaming in agony – beta/beti haath se nikal gaya.

God save you, if your relatives came to know of it. Then you will for sure get marriage advises pouring like rain in thunderstorm. They will not only bombard you pictures of suitable partner for you but also gladly take part in discussing the pitiful circumstances of your parents. Bechare Maa Baap.

It doesn’t even matter what kind of problem you have fallen trap to.

You are smoking – Get married.

Drinking – Get married.

Fallen in love – Get married, preferably not to your love interest.

Not respectful towards your parents – Get married.

Spend too much time out of home – Get married.

Problem is, do parents ask themselves, how this problem is going to get solved after marriage?

So, if you are smoking, or drinking, and your parents decided to marry you to get rid of this bad habit. Aren’t they trying to say that we have failed in our 20+ long years of parenting, so we are expecting a new person, possibly your new bride, to not only adjust to a new home, new husband, new family, but also to work on your addiction to improve you. :O

A girl who is same as your age, or younger, is now put in charge of making you a decent human being. A girl, who has just had the most life changing experience of her life by getting married and moving to a new home, is now expected to work not only on her problems but yours too. Was that part of the deal when she said yes to this marriage?

Or, what if she fails?

What if she is not able to get these bad habits out of you, then what? Are you going to support her, or your son?

Is it really her fault, or is it yours?

When you expect a well-educated, well-behaved, cook, beauty queen, cleaning lady, out of a newlywed girl, did you offer her a well-behaved, loving, decent, caring husband too?

If you are marrying your kid, because he/she love someone, who is not your choice; then aren’t you trying to destroy 4 lives, and in turn 4 families by this decision. Life of the boy and girl in love, and those who they will get married to.

Again, if you married your daughter/son to someone else other than their preferred one; aren’t you saying that we have failed at parenting and let their life partner now deal with this issue.

If your kid is spending too much time out of home, and you are not aware of the whys, then why are you risking ruining their life partner life?

If your kid is not respecting you, why do you think he/she will respect their life partner? What will you do if he/she will abuse their life partner? What will be your plan then?

Marriage is not a solution to this, your Parenting is. Be a good parent and please do not ruin life of someone else. Your son/daughter is your own responsibility. By marrying them you cannot transfer your responsibility to someone else’s son/daughter.

Marriage is not a solution, and please do not make it a Problem.

Life

Be a (Wow)Man

Image March 9, 2017 jcisnowjs Leave a comment

We celebrated International Women’s Day yesterday, and instead of writing about women I wrote this article on men. Something is terribly wrong with me. 😛

It was not intentional though. As I started to write about what does being a woman feel like, how hard it is to be a woman; I just asked myself; is it easy being a man?

When I look at men around me, it feels like they are living a life of stereotype too. They are also not free. Not free to be what they really want to be. As soon as they step from boyhood to manhood, they are told to man up.

“Be a Man. Man up.”

Just imagine that you are saying these words to someone. What does these words mean to you? What is the message they convey?

For me, the immediate thought was to tell someone to ‘be brave’, ‘be strong’, ‘be without any weakness’. In short, do not tell me what your problems are, face them yourself. You are a man. Do not cry. Do not show me your weakness. Do not let me see your pain. Do not show your emotions.

Absurd, right?

I am conditioned to think this way about what being a man means. Most of us are. Now for me, ‘Be a Man’, means nothing else than a stupid patriarchal statement.

Why stupid? Well, I don’t think that men are stronger than women. I know few women who are much stronger than most of the men. Being strong, physically or emotionally has nothing to do with gender.

Brave? You are not going to war anymore. You may go to war-room to confront your boss, but so are the women. In-fact when you were using a weapon to prove your bravery in wars, some of the women were bravely handling both house and outside work to feed their family. Bravery is measured by the size of enemy in front of you. you were fighting with another man; while women have always fought against whole world.

Be a man, what does it even mean then?

Come to think of it, have you ever heard someone say, ‘Be a Woman’. I have never-ever heard anyone say it to me, and believe me I have heard so many suggestions…. Be a well-mannered daughter, to sanskari-bahu, be a loving wife, to a good sister, even a good cook… but never have I heard – ‘Be a Woman’.

I wonder if I say, ‘Be a Woman’ to my female friends, how will they react to it?

Women don’t have to be told ‘to be a woman’, unlike men, who may need constant reminders. Lol.

Well, considering everything I can say that the only thing that can remotely sum up being a man is not to show your true emotions. Boys don’t cry, right?

Why and when did we put these criteria for being a man, that you cannot show your human emotions? Why would anyone want to be like this? Isn’t it hard to be such a man? Why to be a man when all it means is to be emotionless? Is it worth it? Worth being such a man?