All posts by jcisnowjs

Blogger, Freelancer, Manager, Software Engineer, Beginner in Crocheting, Struggling Cook, Photography addict, Passionate for long drives n soulful music, Movie buff, Interested in politics, a loving wife and a Mom of three, but still a girl from heart :-)

Get Married, Everything Will Be Fine

Shaadi Kardo, sab theek ho jayega

Shaadi Kardo, sab theek ho jayega (Get Married, Everything Will Be Fine), if you have heard this from your parents; I could say with almost certainty that you are the kid of an Indian parent.

Marriage is the ultimate solution to every problem in the eyes of your parent. It doesn’t even matter if you have reached an age of maturity, as long as legally you can be married; they will marry you, or threaten to marry you, if you have misbehaved in any way. So, if you are above 20 years of age, and still unmarried… chances are every bad thing that you will do, will result in your parent screaming in agony – beta/beti haath se nikal gaya.

Shaadi Kardo, sab theek ho jayega

God save you, if your relatives came to know of it. Then you will for sure get marriage advises pouring like rain in thunderstorm. They will not only bombard you pictures of suitable partner for you but also gladly take part in discussing the pitiful circumstances of your parents. Bechare Maa Baap.

It doesn’t even matter what kind of problem you have fallen trap to.

You are smoking – Get married.

Drinking – Get married.

Fallen in love – Get married, preferably not to your love interest.

Not respectful towards your parents – Get married.

Spend too much time out of home – Get married.

Problem is, do parents ask themselves, how this problem is going to get solved after marriage?

Shaadi Kardo, sab theek ho jayega

So, if you are smoking, or drinking, and your parents decided to marry you to get rid of this bad habit. Aren’t they trying to say that we have failed in our 20+ long years of parenting, so we are expecting a new person, possibly your new bride, to not only adjust to a new home, new husband, new family, but also to work on your addiction to improve you. :O

A girl who is same as your age, or younger, is now put in charge of making you a decent human being.  A girl, who has just had the most life changing experience of her life by getting married and moving to a new home, is now expected to work not only on her problems but yours too. Was that part of the deal when she said yes to this marriage?

Or, what if she fails?

What if she is not able to get these bad habits out of you, then what? Are you going to support her, or your son?

Is it really her fault, or is it yours?

Shaadi Kardo, sab theek ho jayega

When you expect a well-educated, well-behaved, cook, beauty queen, cleaning lady, out of a newlywed girl, did you offer her a well-behaved, loving, decent, caring husband too?

If you are marrying your kid, because he/she love someone, who is not your choice; then aren’t you trying to destroy 4 lives, and in turn 4 families by this decision. Life of the boy and girl in love, and those who they will get married to.

Shaadi Kardo, sab theek ho jayega

Again, if you married your daughter/son to someone else other than their preferred one; aren’t you saying that we have failed at parenting and let their life partner now deal with this issue.

 

If your kid is spending too much time out of home, and you are not aware of the whys, then why are you risking ruining their life partner life?

If your kid is not respecting you, why do you think he/she will respect their life partner? What will you do if he/she will abuse their life partner? What will be your plan then?

Shaadi Kardo, sab theek ho jayega

Marriage is not a solution to this, your Parenting is. Be a good parent and please do not ruin life of someone else. Your son/daughter is your own responsibility. By marrying them you cannot transfer your responsibility to someone else’s son/daughter.

Marriage is not a solution, and please do not make it a Problem.

 

 

Decoding BJP’s Big Win: Has UP risen above caste based politics?

 

Decoding BJP’s Big Win: Has UP risen above caste based politics?

BJP has won Uttar Pradesh legislative assembly elections with a mind-boggling never-before kind of performance. With BJP+ winning a total of 325 seats out of 403, it has emerged as the single largest party in Uttar Pradesh elections, 2017.

What makes this win more remarkable is the fact that no one was expecting it to be this grand. Neither the exit polls nor any political pundits predicted this huge win for BJP.

Decoding BJP’s Big Win: Has UP risen above caste based politics?

BJP workers, leaders and followers, all are elated, and why not? Combo of Modi and Amit Shah has delivered the impossible.  With Akhilesh’s Samajwadi Party(SP), and Mayavati’s Bahujan Samaj Part(BSP) losing many of their traditionally trustworthy seats to BJP; a question that is coming to everyone’s mind is, have Muslims and Dalits finally softened towards BJP?

Answer is not a simple yes or no here. It may only seem like Uttar Pradesh has risen above the caste and religion based vote bank politics. But, the reality is far more different. Then how come BJP was able to pull out a victory like Deoband?

Decoding BJP’s Big Win: Has UP risen above caste based politics?

I hate to use terms like ‘Muslim or Dalit’ votes; but if we have to understand the voting behavior of UP population then one cannot ignore these terms. As even if Muslim votes constitute only approx. 19% of the total votes; they along with the Dalits, have been a major force in deciding who will sit on the Chief Ministerial seat of Uttar Pradesh.

Surprisingly, other than BJP, all the other parties have tried to woo this 19% of vote bank. Be it congress, SP, or BSP; and they have done it successfully too in the past. The main reason behind this was that Muslims and Dalits have always shown a unified support to one of these parties in the past; giving the said party a major advantage in elections. Their collective support against the undivided support of rest of the votes had turned the tide in favor of their supporting parties in the past.

With SP relying on Muslims and Yadav’s vote; BSP on Muslims and Dalits; Congress on Muslims and rest (pandit, baniya, etc); BJP was mostly left behind to 2nd or 3rd place in vote counts.

Decoding BJP’s Big Win: Has UP risen above caste based politics?

 

This happened in past elections too. Once when Muslims and Dalits unified their votes to make BSP supremo Mayavati win the UP-CM post. But in her 5 year tenure all she did was to create huge statues of herself and Kanshiraam along with gigantic elephants in the name of beautifying UP. She did helped Dalits in getting government jobs but that’s it. Her lack of vision in doing something more long lasting for Muslim and Dalits, failed her miserably; as in next elections Muslims vote unified with Yadav’s to give SP’s babua Akhilesh Yadav a chance to become youngest chief minister of state.

Decoding BJP’s Big Win: Has UP risen above caste based politics?

Expectations were very high with this young and educated Akhilesh, but alas, he had the vision but neither controlling power of his own MLA’s nor the proper execution skills. He was not able to deliver much. When he said, “Kaam bolta hai”, only thing speaking was a single highway in his 5-year tenure as CM.

Decoding BJP’s Big Win: Has UP risen above caste based politics?

Furthermore, his split/no split drama with his father and uncle also divided the line between the true loyalist Yadav voters and the educated Yadav followers. This whole family soap opera looked merely a distraction to avoid embarrassing questions on lack of development. In-fact the old loyalist of Neta ji felt that babua has cheated on the legacy of his father. He is not the right candidate to take this party further ahead.

Decoding BJP’s Big Win: Has UP risen above caste based politics?

Akhilesh too didn’t delivered to his promises to his voters. Final nail on coffin of SP was hit by its alliance with Rahul Gandhi’s congress.

Decoding BJP’s Big Win: Has UP risen above caste based politics?

Congress?? What?  What to discuss about nonexistent things?

A non-delivering SP, and a non-promising BSP were not enough to stand against a fast-paced BJP lead by a charismatic leader Modi and mastermind king maker Shah.

Shah has chosen each contesting candidate by himself. Coming to his true form, he didn’t give a single seat to any Muslim candidate. His focus was neither Muslims nor Dalits, but the OBCs and rest of Hindus. This was deliberate as BJP know it very well that it is hard to impossible for BJP to get Muslim and Dalit votes.

Decoding BJP’s Big Win: Has UP risen above caste based politics?

19% of that Muslim vote has still not voted for BJP, but what the rest of the voters voted for is quite clear with the mandate. Jats, OBCs, Thakurs, Pandits, Vaishya etc. have turn the tables now. 19% don’t matter when you have more than 50% with you. This was the election between minority and majority; and this time majority was unified against non-development.

BJP can really cash it in future elections too, especially in coming 2019 election. But, for that BJP must truly deliver on its line of development – “sabka saath sabka vikas”. As in one interview Modi has himself said – if I will build a road, it will not be for Hindus only. Every religion, every caste will benefit from development. So, my focus is on development.

Decoding BJP’s Big Win: Has UP risen above caste based politics?

Let’s see if BJP can deliver on its promise. My hopes are high. What do you think?

 

Be a (Wow)Man

 

Be a (Wow)Man

We celebrated International Women’s Day yesterday, and instead of writing about women I wrote this article on men. Something is terribly wrong with me. 😛

It was not intentional though. As I started to write about what does being a woman feel like, how hard it is to be a woman; I just asked myself; is it easy being a man?

When I look at men around me, it feels like they are living a life of stereotype too. They are also not free. Not free to be what they really want to be. As soon as they step from boyhood to manhood, they are told to man up.

“Be a Man. Man up.”

Just imagine that you are saying these words to someone. What does these words mean to you? What is the message they convey?

Be a (Wow)Man

For me, the immediate thought was to tell someone to ‘be brave’, ‘be strong’, ‘be without any weakness’. In short, do not tell me what your problems are, face them yourself. You are a man. Do not cry. Do not show me your weakness. Do not let me see your pain. Do not show your emotions.

Absurd, right?

I am conditioned to think this way about what being a man means. Most of us are. Now for me, ‘Be a Man’, means nothing else than a stupid patriarchal statement.

Why stupid? Well, I don’t think that men are stronger than women. I know few women who are much stronger than most of the men. Being strong, physically or emotionally has nothing to do with gender.

Brave? You are not going to war anymore. You may go to war-room to confront your boss, but so are the women. In-fact when you were using a weapon to prove your bravery in wars, some of the women were bravely handling both house and outside work to feed their family. Bravery is measured by the size of enemy in front of you. you were fighting with another man; while women have always fought against whole world.

Be a (Wow)Man

Be a man, what does it even mean then?

Come to think of it, have you ever heard someone say, ‘Be a Woman’. I have never-ever heard anyone say it to me, and believe me I have heard so many suggestions…. Be a well-mannered daughter, to sanskari-bahu, be a loving wife, to a good sister, even a good cook… but never have I heard – ‘Be a Woman’.

I wonder if I say, ‘Be a Woman’ to my female friends, how will they react to it?

Women don’t have to be told ‘to be a woman’, unlike men, who may need constant reminders. Lol.

Be a (Wow)Man

Well, considering everything I can say that the only thing that can remotely sum up being a man is not to show your true emotions. Boys don’t cry, right?

Why and when did we put these criteria for being a man, that you cannot show your human emotions? Why would anyone want to be like this? Isn’t it hard to be such a man? Why to be a man when all it means is to be emotionless? Is it worth it? Worth being such a man?

Be a (Wow)Man

Be a woman, or be a wow-man. If all of this is confusing, then just be a kind and compassionate person.

That’s enough.

 

New Year, Old Me (Mostly)

New Year, Old Me (Mostly)

Welcome 2017. Happy New Year to you.

2016 was an eventful year. It was bad for some, worse for some and few lucky ones enjoyed it too… but one thing that I am sure of is that 2016 didn’t had any dull moment. It was a year of ups and downs; unpredictable and unimaginable things becoming reality, and some insanity coming into existence. This may or may not be a little pointy finger towards Trump’s win.

2016 was the year of Hermit, and it turns out to be true to its nature. A true Hermit it was, especially for me on a personal and professional level. A lot of introspection. A lot of things which were deep down and buried inside in me, surfaced out and were slapped on my face again and again, until I dealt with them. Insane, right?

New Year, Old Me (Mostly)

It was a year of awakening and realization.

If you went through some self-realization or some major upheaval last year, then you could be among the few lucky ones. Your life most probably is changing for the better. 2017 being year belonging to Wheel of Fortune; your destiny may have something better for you this year. Take it as a reward for all the crap you dealt with last year. Or, if you are like me, enjoy every moment; be it sorrow or joy.

If you think that I am going to unload whole Tarot or spirituality stuff all over you… no-no, no such intention. Although I may try that in some other post… well, I love to scare people.

New Year, Old Me (Mostly)
New Year, Old Me (Mostly)

For me, it was a year of observation. I was just a witness and observing, as all who were/are around me went through some major life S#@t last year. Every person I connected with last year went through such major life crisis; it was horrible to even think of the pain they must have gone through. It was hard for me too. Especially when you see your loved ones, your relatives, your friends, and some strangers who turned friends; go through painful life moments, and you are just standing there trying to think of saying something which will help soothe their pain, or give them a right direction. I tried my best, but kind words are not enough sometimes. I wish I could have a magic wand…. Coming to think of it, even if I will have a magic wand, I may not change anything. One thing that I have understood in past 2 years is that each person must go through his own s#!t in order to grow. No one else can do it for you. we can just share some kind words and be there when you need someone to talk to. You must do it on your own. One promise from me is that you won’t be alone.

New Year, Old Me (Mostly)
New Year, Old Me (Mostly)

Another promise, I will not change. Well, I will improve, but I will not change myself. I have reached a point where I am happy with the way I am, with everything in me. So, in 2017 too, my focus will be only on learning new things and improving myself, not to change anything in me. If you are not happy with the way I am now… well good luck waiting for me to change.

Happy 2017. Love you. ❤

 

 

When it looks like hate is winning

When it looks like hate is winning
When it looks like hate is winning

Good over Bad. Love over Hate.

These are the beliefs we all believe to live a hopeful life… a life to look forward to. We are taught to lead our life this way. If we do good, we will get good results.

Remember, what you sow, so shall you reap.

But, what if you see hate winning, and winning it like never-before?

What if you can reap exact opposite of what you sow?

Can it be a just world then?

Is it justice?

It doesn’t look like it. It doesn’t feel like it. It feels sick in stomach. Painful. Dreadful. Dark.

When it looks like hate is winning

Here is where I would like to stop you now. When you feel like this just remember that it is darkest just before dawn. We must go through the worst to reach our best. This is a simple rule of life… we must go through it. We must overcome it.

You know why it is said that hate can never win over love. Because, love never stops. Goodness never stops. We keep on loving. We keep on spreading goodness and love. In-fact we should spread more and more love as world now needs a lot of it.

Political scene is changing drastically almost everywhere in the world. This change is neither smooth nor expected. It is an apocalyptic change, and it is happening in every corner of this world. People around the world are bringing this change by their votes, by their say, and by their actions. Be it Brexit or current US election, or stimulated political environment in my home country India. This change is too much. Too much for us to handle and accept, and to adapt to.

We are just not ready.

Problem is not in these major changes but our inability to accept them.

Coming to recent election of Trump as next US President, before we start hating him (more), and declaring him as #NotMyPresident. Do think of certain points.

When it looks like hate is winning

First most, and most important one, he was not elected against a virtuous leader. It was not the fight between good vs evil. It was just bad and worse fighting with each other. You guess which is worse and which is bad. But, it was never a winning situation for USA, no matter who would have won.

Another thing which we need to consider is that, again, as whole world is going through major changes; USA need some major changes too. This election of a non-political and inexperienced leader proves that people want to see someone who is not part of the system, to rule the system. It could turn out disastrous or totally opposite, but we should keep an open mind.

With this election, Americans have spoken very clearly that they want to bring back ‘good old days’. Doesn’t matter if those good old days are going to be good for rest of us or not. They want to go back. They want someone with traditional values, traditional promises. Although seeing the lifestyle of elect president I hardly think he is an epitome of traditionalism.

Losing hope is never an option. If we are given this result, we must be hopeful that there must be something good coming out of it. Give him a chance. He has already shocked all of us; he may surprise us too. Do not lose hope. Instead hope for him to change his ways, his words, and his actions, for the betterment of this country.

When it looks like hate is winning

You win some, you lose some. Just make sure, you learn.

Always. Learn. Love.