Behind Every Successful Man

If I will get a nickel for all the times, I was introduced using this phrase….

As a person, we all have different roles that we play in a society like a Man is a husband, a son, a father, etc. Same with us Women who are mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, etc.

But what should be the general rule of thumb when you are introduced as someone’s husband or wife? Do post in the comments what you think about this?

Let me give you an example when my husband goes to my office gatherings, he is introduced there as my husband but the next question that they ask is what do you do? What are your hobbies? How do you spend your time away from work? Nobody assumes that he is just a husband. He has a personality that people want to know about.

On the other hand, when I am in a gathering and if I am being introduced by a person, especially from an older generation, as soon as they will say that I am a wife they will follow it with this cringe-worthy quote “Behind every successful man there is a woman.”

Not that, I don’t like to be introduced as his wife. I take pride in that. I am proud of him and his achievements, and ladies if you don’t know that he is married, well, I will parade my customized Mrs. Singh Purse in front of you like a hundred times.  

My problem with this quote is two-fold.

Firstly, when you say behind every successful man/woman or whatever, you are taking away credit for that person’s success. There are a lot of factors that go behind making a person successful, their parents, siblings, friends, education, and financial background, but mostly it is that person who despite good or bad situations chose to become successful. My husband could have been maybe more successful if he had someone else as his wife, or maybe not (as I chose to believe).

I read this story somewhere that two men met at a party and one offered a drink to another and said, I drink because my father was a heavy drinker and now, I am too. It is part of my childhood and I blame my father for giving me this bad habit. The other man declines the drink and says, I don’t drink because my father was a heavy drinker. I saw how alcohol ruined his life and now I have decided to stop this habit in my family generation.

The moral being, many get the same challenges, but it will depend on how you want to respond to your life challenges.

That is why nobody, your husband, or your wife, can make you successful. Own your success. Own your failures too. Your family could be a part of your journey, but it is YOU who are walking the path and making your own way.

The second problem that I see with this quote is why when a lady is introduced as a wife society felt the need to add this quote to justify her existence. It does not matter if you are a homemaker or a working woman, it is so insulting to prove that you are worthy of being a wife only if your husband is successful. What if he is a failure, then are you going to blame it on his wife too? And yes, people do that.

The notion that I let him be or let him do whatever he wants to do, implies that I could have been a nagging wife and stopped him from doing the things he does. So, I should be credited for his success, which is me being a quiet and submissive wife. Argh….

Why can’t a wife be vocal, an active partner, and successful as a team? Why do I have to let him be, why can’t we decide how to be in harmony with each other and work towards shared success. Why is it so hard for people to understand that it is no longer acceptable for a wife to STAND BEHIND?

I am and I will always be STANDING WITH HIM.

Light of Snow

Snow is nature’s way of showing her own miraculous dance. It feels like watching magic in front of your eyes. What a miraculous thing it is to see the first snow of the season. Small tiny snowflakes lighter than anything you have ever felt fall from the sky in a natural rhythm one after another on the green fertile grass and suddenly within minutes, the greens start disappearing into the white fluffy blanket of shining diamond-like snowflakes. Everything is shimmering in white light. How beautiful?

What fascinates me most is how gracefully snow falls on the ground. When it rains, you will hear the pitter-patter of raindrops touching the concrete and making that soothing rain noise. You will smell the first drop of rain touching the dirt and filling up your nostrils with that earthy smell that reminds you of a village lost in the past somewhere. But, when it snows, it is just floating and falling without any sound, without any smell, without any taste.

You will not hear it snowing outside your window the same way you hear the raindrops in the dark of the night touching your window glass and noting their attendance to you. You will not smell when you open that window of yours to see the white snowy field in front of your house. Try catching a snowflake in your mouth and it tastes just like a snowflake, just water. Even if you can’t hear, taste, or smell it, the moment you see the snow falling it evokes so many emotions and touches all your senses in ways that can’t be described in words. The sheer beauty of it is so pure and innocent that you can’t help but stop and admire mother nature on its beautiful creation.

How can something which does not have any taste, sound, or smell have such a gorgeous impact on my mind and soul?

How can something which is not colorful fill me up with hope and love?

It is white, just plain white.

While walking down the same path I have walked numerous times, I see a path that had a lot of green grass now turning brown in fall; trees that have turned green to orange to yellow and brown; and a few evergreens still standing tall with all the greens of the world still crowning on their head; just one night of snow and the next morning all the greens, yellows, browns, and greys are gone. It’s all white. There was only this single thought in my mind – All the colors are gone and only white is left and still white has all the colors in it. How incredible this snow is?

All those colors were still there, somewhere under there but white snow is covering it now and suddenly everything is pure. When you are covered in the whites of light no matter what was inside you it does not matter. You are in that pure bliss. Nothing can impact you now. How beautiful this bliss is that when this light touches you all the darkness disappears. You know it’s still there inside but now that light is at the top, you are in a blissful state of love. How peaceful this light is?

Once the afternoon sun shines and you see all snow melting. Slowly, what was hidden under is coming back in the light. All the browns, blacks, and yellow and whatnot, all colors in that murky leftover icy water. Suddenly, the same snow which looked so pure and clean is filled with muck on the sides.

Once the sun shines and you get the true light shining that you realize that pure bliss was not an outside light but it was already in you. All the colors that were in you, all the blacks, greys, browns and yellows and oranges and reds in you; when you see all of them together and accept them all; it all comes together; it is all light. Let the sun, shine on you. Let the light and dark in you find out each other. Let them live in perfect balance. Let them celebrate this magical dance of light and dark. Let there be light. Let there be darkness because the darkness is just light absorbed fully.

Navratri – Nine Nights of Self Consciousness

Today is Maha-Navami – the 9th Day of Sharad Navratri. The day of the last battle between Devi and Demons and tomorrow we will be celebrating Vijay (Winning) of Devi over the Demon on their tenth day of battle.

The literal meaning of Navratri is Nine Nights and still, over time we have somehow constricted this festival to daytime celebration only with activities like Garba Dance, Going to Temples, Fasting with specially made fast thalis, etc.

In all these, we have forgotten the true meaning and significance of these sacred and precious nine days which demands a celebration of our inner energy and not outwardly festivities. Whoever named it Navratri and not Navdin must have understood what these 9 days must represent in our life. It’s up to us now to fully understand its true meaning and change our ways to celebrate the divine in its most authentic way.

The night is the time of rest, of relaxation, of letting go, of surrendering, and of disconnecting from this world and connect to our inner self. In the worldly affairs that consume us daily, we forget to connect with the inner, and our higher self. Navratri which falls during summer and winter solstice, a special astronomical placement, is the best time to detach ourselves from our daily mundane tasks and worries, and instead go back to that cosmic energy to rejuvenate our mind and soul.

The best way to do so is to meditate and chant her name through mantras. When I say ‘her’, I mean the divine cosmic energy. It is peculiar that we have attached the significance of Devi Pooja to women empowerment and feminism, but the divine does not have any gender. It is Energy. It is Purusha and Prakriti. To simplify it we may call it male and female energy, but it does not literally translate to males and females as in man and woman. It is just energy without any gender or body shape.  One is a vessel, and another is the action done through that vessel. One is passive another is active. Sun and Moon. Day and Night. Thus, mostly all our festivals are derived from the lunar cycle including Navratri.

Come to think of it, in this harsh world maybe we need more of this feminine energy in all of us. That is why on the final day we break our fast by first offering it to Kanya(s) (small girls). This too we have taken into the literal meaning and go after the small girls who represent virginity and haven’t menstruated yet. We forget that everything in Sanatan Dharam has a deeper meaning than selecting girls to feed based on their age and look. It should be a day where you feed your qualities which are more like a Kanya; surrendering towards mother, innocent, lust-free, observant, student not master, willing to change, and many more. We need to empower and nourish these qualities of us before we go back to this world of Maya. We all need more kindness, more compassion, more empathy, and yet be more creative, more active, and more constructive; don’t forget to be all this while still sitting on a Lion.

These 9 days/nights are to celebrate this energy, the lunar, female, and active part of it. To do that first step is to detach from another side of female energy, the Maya. That is why our rituals tell us to fast, stay away from lies, deceit, and otherworldly poisons, and instead of it, deep dive into nights of meditation. Fasting is done not to please Devi. Just think of it this way, if you consider her your mother; no mother is happy to see her kids starve themselves. She would never ask her kids to stay hungry to please her. Fasting is done to give much-needed rest to our body so that it can rejuvenate too. It saves energy when our body does not need to spend much time digesting food all day. Instead, this energy is spent in connecting with the divine. Those who fast by eating all day and relishing the specially made fasting treats, need to ponder on this.

I do not understand why this notion was built into us that we should always be full, our tummy should not be empty. We never let our stomach be empty or feel hunger. As soon as we felt the first pang of hunger, we try to fill it up with as much food as we can. In true essence, we should only eat what our body needs for survival. In fasting time, we stay away from certain foods and eat only at certain intervals. This helps our digestive system not to spend much needed time and energy on digesting a cocktail of heavy food on a full stomach.

When we eat light, our body feels light and comfortable. Our mind is awake and not dull from food effects. Our senses are sharp too. When we detach from the outside, that is the time to go inside. Time to seek what is inside us. Time to gain by connecting with the cosmic energy which runs this universe. Just think how joyous these 9 nights would be when you are dancing with this cosmic energy filled with her love and abundance. How joyful… there is bliss in this fasting and meditation. Chant her mantra and invoke her inside you. So much energy, so much love within you. A Raas-Leela of Krishna and Radha’s pure love where divine is dancing with the soul as its lover. So much bliss.

Do this dance every night with your higher self and your days would be nonstop celebrations of love. In the daytime, offer her prayers and be grateful for all you have received. Dance as much as you can; be joyous,; share with your family, friends, and neighbors; visit holy places and get submersed in their vibrations. Celebrate Big.

Nine days of self-improvement, nine nights of raising your energy from Muladhara chakra to meeting him at the heights of supreme power,  nine days and nights of fighting this inner battle with your demons and emerge Vijayi (winner) on the tenth day. That is how I see this Navratri for all.

Wish you all a Happy Navratri and Vijayadashami.

Women’s Day and We Women

First of all, Happy Women’s Day.

I was in college when I first heard about a day to celebrate Women. I never knew what to do and how to celebrate that day. Still, not exactly sure of how I should be celebrating it; so, I thought of writing How Men should treat their Woman How a woman should treat other women and herself?

Why I do not want to focus on Men here is because all the strong women that I have seen and admired in my life, they have soared high in their lives did so by fighting against patriarchy system. They are not successful because of a man who is in/out of their life. They are successful because they are strong and confident women who chose to live life on their own terms. Point being the support of a male figure in your life is meaningless if you are not capable enough to stand on your feet.


So, putting Men aside, I want to celebrate women by talking about women and how can We be the ones to inspire other women. 

The most important thing that every girl/woman should understand is that if there is anything that will be her ‘Jeevan-Saathi’ (Life Partner/Supporter) for all her life; it is going to be her Education and her Skills. Mentioning skills here because I belong to a country where education to girls is considered a privilege, and not everyone is born privileged. 

Point to Note – Never ever, I repeat, Never Ever in your life compromise on your education. The whole world may go against you but there is no noble fight than to fight for the right of your education. I was (still am) termed the most difficult child of my family because I went on hunger strikes many times to complete my post-graduation and I am hella proud of it. 


Other than Education, the next big thing is – your Career. I have nothing against homemakers and women who worked but left their job to take care of their kids. I did that too, for 5 years, I quit my work and raised my 3 kids. I was happy with my decision but with time I realized how people’s perception will change once you are no longer working (earning money). This is the hardest decision a working woman must make. No one else can raise your kids the way you can, and if you try to manage both kids and your career then your parenting skills will be judged every time you will leave for office. Hell, even your working skills will be questioned every time you leave your office for home. 

Point being – No matter what you do, you will be judged, so ignore the world and just focus on what is best for you. Always keep yourself and your kids on priority. First You. 


Being a homemaker is harder, as generally, I have seen that nobody takes you seriously. Most of the people think of you as an illiterate girl. As if you know nothing about what is happening around in this world; as if you don’t have any opinion; and, as if your life revolves around kitchen and kids. That’s it. Nothing wrong, even if this is your whole life. What more fulfilling than this?

Point to note here – Invest in some hobby. Have something creative to do in your life. You would definitely need a ‘Me Time‘ in your daily routine. Never compromise on that. If you value yourself and invest in yourself; only then people around you will value you. 


The Next Big thing is choosing your life partner (Husband this time). No matter if you are going for an arranged marriage or love marriage; do make a point to know the person before you tie the knot. Talk to him, meet him, spend time with him, discuss everything you think is important to know; discuss your values and discuss your future dreams and aspirations. It is rather hard in case of arranged marriages where girls do not get much time and also have to maintain an image of shy Indian bride and thus do not discuss much with their future life partner, but a little shyness today may cost you a lifetime compromise. Another thing that we are told since childhood is that parents know what is best for you. But, do they know the complete you? My parents always thought of me as the quiet and lonely in her world kind of girl; while my friends knew me as the most talkative, outspoken one; my teachers thought of me as a studious and no-nonsense girl; while my colleagues think of me as a prankster. Contrary to everyone else, my husband still thinks of me as ‘kitni seedhi hai’ 😛 

Point to note: Only you know yourself better. You know what qualities your ideal partner should have. Parents, relatives, or friends can help you with your decision, but it should be Your Decision. 


There will be many such important decisions that you have to make in your life, like when to have kids, how many kids, how to raise them, where to live, what to cook for dinner, etc… make sure that your voice is heard and respected in all these decisions. Whatever impacts you, must have your say in it.

Few more random points: 

  • Do not blame your parents, or your siblings, friends, relatives for your life’s decisions. If you chose a subject in class because your parents asked you to and now you are regretting it; it is your fault that you didn’t have the courage and conviction to fight for what you actually wanted. 


  • If a woman is in an abusive relationship, never ever judge the actions of that woman. Abuse is abuse. It does not matter what she did to deserve that abuse. Nothing justifies abuse of any kind.
  • On the same note – if a woman is going through a divorce, or fighting a cheating husband; NO, it was not her fault that her husband cheated on her. Also, no it’s not her karma. It was an abusive, cheating man who has to be blamed for this and that’s it. 


  • Be confident in your own body. You are fat, slim, ugly, pretty, fashionable, or whatever the hell you have labeled yourself – once you are confident about your own body and how you look; these words and labels won’t matter. Most of the time, we are the ones who label ourselves in our mind and then we start looking for reasons to verify these labels whenever we talk to someone. 


  • If someone insults you, about your looks, clothes or anything; be upfront and talk to them. Most of the time, I have found that another person was either jealous or I just misunderstood them. You should feel prouder of yourself if the reason is their jealousy.
  • Not everyone is out there to get you. If you will ask for help, you will get help. Talk to other women around you. You won’t believe but most of us face the same kind of problems and know how to help another lady. 


  • Do not stop learning. Do not stop growing. Use every opportunity to become a better version. Do not waste this life just being what you were yesterday. 
  • Be confident. Be Positive. Be Calm and be Strong.
  • Hydrate.
  • Moisturize.
  • Step out and don’t forget to apply sunscreen. 

Shine My Girl!!


If You Feel Offended

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There was a general prayer that I used to do since I started praying and that was “whatever is good, let me do only that; and whatever I do, let it be only good“.

Now, however, I have understood one thing that no matter what you are doing, it will impact the lives of some in a good way and others in a bad way. You could go ahead and develop a cure for cancer, or eradicate poverty from this world and still, you will be offending someone by these actions.

I do not want to imply that if this is the case, we should not try to be good or do good; instead, be good, be more good than you ever can be and not worry about what people are saying. “Kuch to log kahenge…”

I have observed over the past years that all of us are getting more sensitive. As far as I am concerned, I think this is a beautiful thing. We should be sensitive, kind and compassionate. But, the downside to this is that most of us get easily offended. Small-small things are making the people to react in outrageous ways, especially on social media.

Social Media – a medium where we can be social and civil. Medium to share our thoughts, some part of our lives, our happiness, our sorrows, our achievements. Who could have thought, this medium of sharing will be the biggest cause of people getting offended?

There are some simple rules which I follow and sometimes (forcefully) ask my husband to follow too –

  • If you can’t say anything good, it’s better to say nothing at all. That includes commenting on someone’s post.
  • Never comment on physical appearance if you are going to be a jerk about it.
  • If you can’t think of anything good to write, just write nice or beautiful; that is more than enough.
  • Someone’s Religious thoughts contradict yours. Ask yourself below questions-
      • What are you trying to achieve by commenting on it? If it is anything else other than satisfying your pride/ego then go ahead and comment.
      • Is it a specific attack on your way of religious thinking? Is this person going to understand your views and put them in the right perspective? Are both of you capable to have a civil conversation? If you have said ‘Yes’ to these questions, please go ahead and comment.
  • Commenting on Political Posts – a big NO, if you are going to write against the proposed views. Still, if you can’t help yourself and want to write, ask yourself –
      • Would you be able to say the same things on that person’s face?
      • Why is it necessary to make the other person agree with your views? Why can’t that person have his/her own political views?
      • Can it be said to them in a private message, rather than replying to a public post?
      • Is this person going to understand your views and put them in the right perspective? Are both of you capable to have a civil conversation?
  • What if someone shares nasty comments on your post? In this case, it becomes important to reply but often times I have felt that the other person is going through a tough phase and it is their frustration with their own life and circumstances that come out through their bad writing. Sometimes, it is best to ignore with a thank you and smile. But if you can’t understand the reason behind their behavior it would be appropriate to reply to them. Things to take care of though –
      • Not be harsh in sharing what you think is right.
      • Consider their viewpoint and then share yours.
      • Everyone has their own thinking and you cannot change it in a day, so give them time to understand and be patient.
      • If you can, it is best to talk to them in person or call them, instead of commenting publicly.
  • Name Calling – this is the ugly stuff, and I have seen so many so-called intellectuals mudding their social media by name-calling each other. Strangely, I do not have any suggestions or advice on that issue. I think there is no saving a Titanic here. Oddly enough these kinds of creatures just keep the entertainment going and nothing else.

I do try to follow my own rules but still, if I have offended anyone of you through my actions, I would like to apologize. I am growing continuously and will learn more lessons, but I cannot guarantee that my actions will not offend you in the future. Still, I would request you, to be considerate and talk to me, so that I can improve.

No Offending Stuff 😀


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