Babagiri – All in the name of Religion

This article was originally written by me for Magzim.com

 

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There was a time when parents wanted their children to be Doctors, Engineers, government officials, sportsmen or just suitable enough to have a paying job.

Now, I think it is the time that we start looking in a different direction. Something out of the box, you know.

What if I tell you that there is a profession that requires no, or say minimal financial investment; you don’t have to go to any college; you don’t have to spend hours studying like you did for your board exams; you don’t have to sweat waiting for your report card; you don’t have to create a resume and post it to every existing/non-existing job seeking site; you don’t even have to pay taxes after you got this job.

Is it for real?

Yes, it is.

All of your dreams could come true, by this simple secret that I am about to reveal to you.

Yes, there is a name for this perfect job.

It is called Babagiri, being a Godmen, being a Guru. Most specifically be an Indian Baba.

Prerequisite – You should know the names of Hindu Gods and goddesses. Not all 33 thousand/million/billion of them, but just enough to convince others that you know these Gods personally. Like just say, oh Lord Shiva!!! , I was always a fan of him, since my childhood, you see; I was reciting his Maha Mritunajay Mantra or something since I was two.

Next steps that I am going to tell you now, are quite complex, so read them religiously. LOL.

Now, you have to convince people around you that you are a reincarnation of some previous Baba or some smaller God. Do not make the mistake of going after the big guns like Shiva, Vishnu Brahma etc…. Stick to the basic. Simple is always better.

For this, first thing that you have to do is start making some drastic changes to your life.

Say no to liquor, meat, sex, etc… (at least pretend that you are not interested in any of these). This won’t be too difficult, as in your alone time, i.e. behind closed doors, you can enjoy all of these things, and no one would know.

Now, whenever you are in the company of others, talk of spirituality, and how suddenly you are seeing good in others. You can also take it to another level, by saying that now you are seeing God in every human being. This will not make others God, but it will make you look like a saint.

Whenever you are sitting (not standing, as you may fall), just for some random time, close your eyes, and pretend that you are meditating and is in fact in deep thoughts of spirituality.

When you open eyes, just raise both your hands as if you are giving blessings to others. (note – at this point please put a very small, almost a smile kind of thing on your face)

You have to do these kinds of things for a few days, till people start noticing these changes in you.

Also note, for faster progress try to use all the above tactics on women, especially the ones who have lots of time in their hands, or the ones who are dissatisfied with their personal lives.

What next?

If you can invest some money, then this is the time to invest in media. Open a website, create your facebook page; your YouTube channel; Flickr, twitter; in fact, if you can afford, invest in a team to handle all social media engagement. Announce to the world now, that you are a reincarnation of so and so.

Now, just wait and watch.

People will soon offer you a sprawling place/Aashram to attend to your followers.

You will get food, free of cost.

You will get clothes, free of cost.

You will get money, pouring all over you.

To top it all you will get slaves, oops slave is not a good word anymore so I will stick to followers.

So, you will get followers, who will hold an umbrella just above your head, so you don’t get Sun’s direct rays, you see. Followers, who will clean your laundry, wash your dirty dishes; make your food, and bring you food in fancy silverware. Followers who will do your every silly work.
You are not impressed. Come on, all these followers will work for you, and also they will pay you, for allowing them to touch your feet.

What more can you ask for?

Money, respect and luxury, everything in a single job, and you don’t have to pay a dime.

I love this world. Jai Baba Ki.

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