Sketch by Jyoti Singh

Losing A Mother

Mishappening with a friend somehow forced me to revisit that void in my life, which can never be filled now. Made me question a lot of things. Most of them were questioning my behavior of that time. It made me realize how out of the moment I was. As if it wasn’t sink in to me till everything was way over. Did I handled it properly? Did I coped with it or am I still struggling with it?

There is not a single answer. Just more questions. More I question myself, the more complicated all these emotions get. I just think of one thing – Is it hard or easy for adults to cope with their Mother’s death? Does it become easier with age?

With earthquake in Nepal, so many small kids have lost their parents. Thinking of them who may never know what a mother’s love is anyway, makes my heart sink. A child who didn’t get to know about his mother, may never know what does it feel like to sleep in the warmth of his mother’s lap; or how a simple daal-chawal cooked by your mother tastes heavenly; or when you are sick and just a small touch of her on your forehead can relieve you of any pain; or that she is the only one who runs after you in the morning just so you can grab a bite before running towards your school bus. It will be a misfortune to never know any of this. Or, maybe a blessing because you will never know what you missed.

But, wouldn’t it will be a bigger misfortune when you experience all these things and then one dreadful day, you lose it. Everything. Suddenly warmth is gone from the sun. What remains are the cold shuddering dark nights.

You are adult, married, have kids, perhaps… you must be strong enough to handle this. You are not supposed to cry. Not supposed to say how you feel about it. Not supposed to express yourself, which is actually sometimes screaming your lungs out at midnight, just because your void is getting bigger each day instead of healing with time.

Whether you are a child, a kid, a teenager, an adult or even an elderly, the truth is that every time you are in pain, first person that you think about is your Mother.

Whenever you want to cry out, it is a Mother’s lap that you crave for. It doesn’t matter how old you are.

It just doesn’t matter what your age is, when your loss is this big.

There is no moving forward. There is no coping. There is no healing from this.

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