You must have heard of the phrase “Behind every successful man there is a woman.” Now, in the era of feminism and woman empowerment, we are hearing more of ‘behind successful woman’ quotes as well. I have heard few of them too. Actually, 2-3 versions of them. Something in the line of –
Behind every successful woman is a Loving Father.
Behind every successful woman there is a Family who supported her and not the society.
Behind every successful woman there is a father who trusted her and not the society.
Wow… we seem to have so much support for successful women. So much love and support for the poor woman. Family, and father supporting daughter of the house, so that she can one day be successful. No, I am not being sarcastic. I am happy, really happy to see these quotes. I just have few thoughts.
When you read this quote, ‘Behind a successful man there is a woman’; what kind of woman do you see? I bet she would be a dutiful wife, taking care of kids, doing all household chores, cooking, taking care of everything in and around house; so that successful man won’t have to bother about it, and instead could keep his focus on being more successful.
Now, read the quote, ‘Behind a successful woman there is a loving father, or supporting family’. What kind of father/family you see – This father/family is the one who is giving an equal opportunity to the daughter as they have given to the son. There is nothing more to it.
When we bring these loving father and supporting family in the equation, we are actually negating all the hard work that a successful person(man/woman) has done to reach there. I don’t want to talk about woman specifically, as I think both man and woman want love and support of their family. But, considering it is a lot difficult for women to achieve something in our patriarchal society, lets first talk about her.
Most of the women who are successful, are so, because they wanted to be successful. Some of them had a single parent, specially a strong single mother. Some of them had both the parents but got supported by none. Some of them struggled for their education and career, as their family didn’t approve of it. Out of all successful women, there were a few who got all the support. Who were lucky enough to have a loving father, and understanding mother, forward thinking brother, helpful sister, motivating friends and appreciating well-wishers. Those women are really lucky, but they are few. Rests have fought for their basic rights. Right to have higher education, right to do a job, to do marriage at their preferred age with someone they want to, to have or not to have children, to leave kids in day care while they work; basically right to make their own decisions. Successful women were not, who had it easy. They are the ones who face difficulty and rise above it.
Even men don’t have it easy. Not every successful man had a loving wife/mother behind him. Some would have had a nagging wife and a helicopter mother; forcing them to prefer work over home life. So, why are we selling this idea of having someone behind us to be successful?
Who doesn’t want a loving father behind them? who does not need support of a family? We all do, right? Men or women, we all need a loving father, a loving mother, a supporting and trusting family; we all need them; but we don’t need them to be successful. We need them so that one day we could share our success with them.
It does not matter if you are a man or a woman, or who is behind you and who is not.
Only thing that you need to be successful is You. You are the only thing that matters.
Why are we not teaching this to our kids? They don’t need to believe in others to be successful, they just need to believe in their own strength.
I would never want my daughter to believe that she will be successful one day, because she has a loving father or a trusting family. No. Never.
I would like her to believe in herself.
I would like her to believe that she will become successful, if she would want it hard enough, with all her heart and passion.
She may want us by her side; but she definitely does not need us to be successful.