Holbein Painting Anne of Cleves

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 4 – Anne

King Henry VIII, was the second Monarch of Tudor dynasty. He was King of England from 21 April, 1509 until his death by 28 January 1547. King Henry was famous for two main reasons – one for separating Church of England from Roman Catholic Church; and second reason, he was most notoriously famous for, was his Six Wives and their fate bestowed by King Henry. These posts are dedicated to Six Wives of King Henry VIII. It’s not a historical fact or document, rather a conversational satirical viewpoint of ill-fated Queens.

Poor Wife - Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves
Poor Wife – Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves

Wife # 4I am Anne Of Cleves, Fourth wife of King Henry VIII

A better Wife or a smart Sister??

Have you ever heard of something as weird as this; a wife whose husband termed her as his loving sister?? 😛

 

Well, if you are any one of King Henry’s wives, than anything can happen with you. 😐

 

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

Till today no one knows if I was the smartest of Henry’s wives (to survive this long, you know), or just the dumbest to leave the Queen‘s title so easily. Well, you have to read ahead before guessing. 😉

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

I, Anne, was born to John III and his wife Maria, on 22nd September, 1515. Better to tell you now, that I was the one and only German wife of King Henry. I was contracted to marry some other fellow, but you know when Henry wants you, there is no force in the world who can prevent it.

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

Jane died, poor soul, and King was without any wife for two years. Some say that he was mourning Jane’s death (his third Queen), but I must tell you in secret, that it was rather the opposite. He was so eager to marry, that only after a month of Jane’s dying, he started looking for a suitable girl to marry. But, Henry’s reputation followed before any of his marriage proposals, and no one, I am saying it again, No One, wanted to marry that cruel King. 🙄

 

Anne of Cleves
Anne of Cleves

Now, you must be thinking, how did I agreed to it then? Well, I was an idiot. You see, I was not educated, know little of English, and had no interest in worldly affairs, so I was unaware of Henry’s laurels till I landed in England to marry him. Then it was too late. 😕

 

Henry was so much into looks…. ha haa ha…. as if rest of men are not? 😆

He didn’t wanted to marry me before seeing me, that guy was not into arranged marriages, you see, so, he asked Holbein, some painter of his, to sketch me. Just look at it… am I not pretty?

Holbein Painting Anne of Cleves
Holbein Painting Anne of Cleves

Well, Henry also thought so, until he met me in person. 😳

It happened like this; I was so tired after a long sea journey, not accustomed to English customs and courtesy, I just wanted to rest, when a courtier told me that some men from King, are here to give his gifts. There were four of them, or maybe five, I don’t quite remember now. They came to my chambers, and one of them, the fatty one, actually grabbed me and kissed me. 🙄 How could he? Is this the English custom to kiss your future Queen forcefully. I was so despised, I totally ignored him. BTW he was smelly too. :mrgreen:

 

Anne Of Cleves Doll
Anne Of Cleves Doll

My Bad…. He was the King, himself, disguised to play a prank on me. Guess what, the prank misfired. I was repelled by him, and so did he. How could I have guessed that this fatty, smelly, old fellow, almost reaching his fifties, could be my future husband; me a damsel in her early twenties. Ewww…. (okay, I am exxagerating abit… but so what, this is my story) 🙄

 

Will the Real Anne of Cleves, Please stand up??
Will the Real Anne of Cleves, Please stand up??

We got married, as there was no out for Henry this time, but that oldie had already made himself clear, that he didn’t liked me. Our wedding night!!! How could I ever forget it. Well, actually I can, because nothing happened. Nothing. 😐

 

Anne Of Cleves
Anne Of Cleves

He sang it to everybody, that, marriage was not consummated. Can you believe, what he says the reason was? He told everybody, that I smelled. $#@#$. He said, that I was older than I looked, and I was not a virgin. #$@. I didn’t even knew, how the hell did these marriage gets consummated, and he was telling me, that I was not a virgin. LIAR!!!! 😡

 

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

I think, it was just that he didn’t liked me. I was not graceful, I will give that to him. I didn’t knew music or dance, or even knew much about card games. Everything that Henry was fond of, I was lacking it. I didn’t even knew how to flirt. I was a novice in love games.

Anne of Cleves Wax statue
Anne of Cleves Wax statue

He wanted to get rid of me, and actually I wanted too, but I also wanted to be a Queen. 😦 So many gifts, jewels, and maids at your service, who wouldn’t want that?

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
Anne Of Cleves

Our marriage was not even 6 month old, when he send me an annulment notice. As marriage was not consummated, it all make sense. Now, coming to the question, that was I a stupid dumb girl or smart enough to agree to King’s wishes? Well, I was smarter. 😎

 

King Henry and Anne Of Cleves
King Henry and Anne Of Cleves

I decided, I don’t want to get married to this smelly oldie and I still want to enjoy all the luxuries of life; so, why not make the King happy (the other way possible), and give him, what he wants? I chose to become his sister, rather than his wife, and get beheaded. 😛 No, never. I loved my life. A sister, I decided.

 

Sisterly Love - Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones
Sisterly Love – Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones

Thus, I become, sister to the King, my ex hubby. It did had it’s privileges though. I was given a generous settlement, castle, gifts, jewels, and also honor of being the second most important woman, royally, after the Queen, and King’s daughters. I was Happy. Who would want to go back to German hole, when you can live just like a Queen in England, and also got to keep your head intact. 😉

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

About, keeping my head, I outlived every Queen of Henry’s, and Henry too. Was I just lucky, or smart enough to keep my peace with the most notorious King of my time? Do I have to spell it out more clearly?? 😉 😉

 

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