Tag Archives: Monarch

Frolic Friday โ€“ Curious Case of King Henry VIII, himself

King Henry VIII, was the second Monarch of Tudor dynasty. He was King of England from 21 April, 1509 until his death by 28 January 1547. King Henry was famous for two main reasons โ€“ one for separating Church of England from Roman Catholic Church; and second reason, he was most notoriously famous for, was his Six Wives and their fate bestowed by King Henry. Earlier posts were dedicated to Six Wives of King Henry VIII. Today, we are giving King Henry a chance to put forward his version of story.

King Henry VIII
King Henry VIII

I am King Henry VIII, The King of England. Actually, I was the King, now I have heard there is a Queen ruling My England. :O

King Henry VIII
King Henry VIII

I was born to Henry VII of England, and Elizabeth of York, on 28th June, 1491. I was second in line to the throne, having my elder brother Arthur, but Arthur demise changed the equation and I became the King, after my father King Henry VII, died in 22nd April, 1509. I don’t want to gloat much but I was the best King, England has ever seen…. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

King Henry VIII
King Henry VIII

You may or may not have anything else to do, but I have some important business to attend to (have to play execution with my graveyard friends), so I will directly come to point. I am disgusted by the way, my Six Queens have described me, in earlier posts. So, here I am clearing everything, once and for all… although I know there is no such need, because I am a King. ๐Ÿ˜›

King Henry VIII
King Henry VIII
  • Catherine of Aragon, my first wife. I married her out of pity, she was my brother’s widow, and was 6 years elder to me. Actually, it was easier for me to marry her and keep the political alliance intact, and also, she was pretty. โค I loved her. It was a happy marriage. We loved each other. She was a perfect wife, and a perfect Queen. Coming to think of it, I still love and respect her. I would not have married anyone else, if I would have been an ordinary person, not a King. A king needs heir. A male child. This was the only problem with my marriage to Catherine. She didn’t gave me a male child. Now, when I think of it, my two daughters Mary and Elizabeth have proved a better monarch than my son Edward. Alas, at that time, Mary was not sufficient for me. I wanted to have a son, and I decided to marry second time. One other factor, I fall in love with someone else โ€“ Anne Boleyn. Now, tell me, was it my fault that a king must have a prince a heir, which Catherine didn’t gave me. I left her, only because of that. It’s not my fault, you see. Even if it was my fault, well, I was The King, and a King can do no wrong. ๐Ÿ˜‰
King Henry VIII
King Henry VIII
  • Anne Boleyn, my second wife, and my second love too. I loved Catherine, but when I first laid my eyes on this graceful, elegant dancer in my court, my jaw dropped. My God, she was beautiful. Who could not be smitten by her raw beauty? I was. Most importantly she knows how to flirt and keep her man on toes? I was blown away. I proposed and she put condition. She wanted to be Queen, and I wanted to be her King. I divorced Catherine, although it took almost 6-7 years, but it did happened finally. Only problem, she failed just like her predecessor, in giving me a male heir. Also, she used to interfere a lot in my kingly affairs. How could I tolerate that? I wanted to get rid of her. My courtiers helped me in maligning her and later in executing her for high treason. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ I feel bad about this now, but a king has to do, what he has to do. Also, I was in love again, with my, to be third wife. So, Anne has to go, no matter what. ๐Ÿ˜
King Henry VIII
King Henry VIII
  • Jane, dear Jane…. Oh My Jane. Love of my life. I loved you Jane and still do. Jane was my third wife, and only one who gave me what I was longing for from decades โ€“ a male heir, Edward, my son. She was as plain as her name, but she was pretty enough for me to fall in love with her. She was an ideal wife. She was quiet, never interfered in my affairs. Never even objected when I courted other ladies. Above all, gave birth to my only son, Edward. Pity, she died soon after that. Some say, that I didn’t take care of her. What the hell am I supposed to do? She was a Queen, had all the maids, servants to help her. Why the hell, she would have needed me? I was the King. A King don’t have time to take care of his wife. He has to take care of his realm, you know. If she died within days of giving birth to my son, than it must have been her poor genes, not my carelessness. ๐Ÿ˜Ž
King Henry VIII
King Henry VIII
  • Anne of Cleves, my fourth wife. She was my one and only arranged marriage bride. Clearly, arrange marriage was not for me. I didn’t even had the privilege of seeing her in person before signing up marriage contract, can you believe that? ๐Ÿ˜ก but, believe me when I say, that she was nothing like her portrait that Holbein made of her. She was plain. Didn’t knew to play music, or to sing, knew no card games, not even knew how to flirt…. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Moreover, she didn’t liked me either. For her, I was this ill, smelly, old man. I was not the handsome young King, anymore. How could I bear that? I despised her. I was feeling suffocated in that marriage, didn’t even consummated my marriage. How could I? ๐Ÿ˜ก I asked her for divorce, and she readily agreed to it. Guess, she was also eager to move out of this marriage. It was a happy ending for both of us. So, happy, that I declare her my Sister, and gave her all the money and status to fulfill all her needs. She was the only wife of mine, who stayed happy. ๐Ÿ˜€
King Henry VIII
King Henry VIII
  • Catherine Howard, my rose without thorns, my fifth wife. She was everything that any old man wish for in a woman. She was young, almost 17, when I fall in love with her. I immediately married her. She was sexy, young and a novice girl. Yes, a girl she was, not a Queen. That was my mistake. Everything should have been alright, if I would just have treated her like a girl, and used her, rather than making her Queen of England. She was young and wild, not to be tamed, and she did just what girls of her age do โ€“ fall in love over and over. She was the Queen, still she couldn’t resist the charm of young love, and fall for my young groom, Thomas Culpeper. She cheated on a King. How could anyone in the world survive this? She didn’t. I executed her. She deserved it. I still remember the way she came running towards me, screaming from the top of her lungs for forgiveness, but she had cheated on me, how could I ever forgave her? Never. Not as a husband, never as a King. ๐Ÿ˜ก
King Henry VIII
King Henry VIII
  • Catherine Parr, my sixth and final wife. I got married to her, nor because it was love, neither it was arranged, but rather because I needed a wife like her. She was twice widowed, without any kids, but a caring soul. She was half of my age, but still she was a lady of grace, not a silly girl, like Catherine Howard. She was gentle and polite. She was like a nurse to me. She nursed me well and nurture my kids too. She also handled my realm as a regent in my absence. She was just perfect for me at that time. But, foolishness seems to be the trait of all the girls I married. This one too, took the liberty with her life, by debating me in religious matters. It was necessary to show her place to this woman, and thus I issued warrant against her. She would have gone the same way her predecessors went, if she hadn’t came to her senses and apologized for her unwisdom. I was not only her husband but her King too, she had to treat me like a God and not debate with me. Foolish girl. She survived my wrath. ๐Ÿ˜
King Henry VIII
King Henry VIII

Those were my six wives, I could have married more… I would have loved to, but my illness prevented me. I was a man longing for love and solace. I found it somewhat in Jane, but like each time, my happiness were always short lived. I was always alone. A lone King. Although I married six times, but I was never satisfied in love. I may have loved my wives or maybe it was just an illusion, I wonder. If given a chance, I think, I would prefer to be a loving husband, than to be an insecure and tyrant King.

 

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Frolic Friday โ€“ Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 4 – Anne

King Henry VIII, was the second Monarch of Tudor dynasty. He was King of England from 21 April, 1509 until his death by 28 January 1547. King Henry was famous for two main reasons โ€“ one for separating Church of England from Roman Catholic Church; and second reason, he was most notoriously famous for, was his Six Wives and their fate bestowed by King Henry. These posts are dedicated to Six Wives of King Henry VIII. It’s not a historical fact or document, rather a conversational satirical viewpoint of ill-fated Queens.

Poor Wife - Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves
Poor Wife – Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves

Wife # 4 โ€“ I am Anne Of Cleves, Fourth wife of King Henry VIII

A better Wife or a smart Sister??

Have you ever heard of something as weird as this; a wife whose husband termed her as his loving sister?? ๐Ÿ˜›

 

Well, if you are any one of King Henry’s wives, than anything can happen with you. ๐Ÿ˜

 

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

Till today no one knows if I was the smartest of Henry’s wives (to survive this long, you know), or just the dumbest to leave the Queen‘s title so easily. Well, you have to read ahead before guessing. ๐Ÿ˜‰

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

I, Anne, was born to John III and his wife Maria, on 22nd September, 1515. Better to tell you now, that I was the one and only German wife of King Henry. I was contracted to marry some other fellow, but you know when Henry wants you, there is no force in the world who can prevent it.

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

Jane died, poor soul, and King was without any wife for two years. Some say that he was mourning Jane’s death (his third Queen), but I must tell you in secret, that it was rather the opposite. He was so eager to marry, that only after a month of Jane’s dying, he started looking for a suitable girl to marry. But, Henry’s reputation followed before any of his marriage proposals, and no one, I am saying it again, No One, wanted to marry that cruel King. ๐Ÿ™„

 

Anne of Cleves
Anne of Cleves

Now, you must be thinking, how did I agreed to it then? Well, I was an idiot. You see, I was not educated, know little of English, and had no interest in worldly affairs, so I was unaware of Henry’s laurels till I landed in England to marry him. Then it was too late. ๐Ÿ˜•

 

Henry was so much into looks…. ha haa ha…. as if rest of men are not? ๐Ÿ˜†

He didn’t wanted to marry me before seeing me, that guy was not into arranged marriages, you see, so, he asked Holbein, some painter of his, to sketch me. Just look at it… am I not pretty?

Holbein Painting Anne of Cleves
Holbein Painting Anne of Cleves

Well, Henry also thought so, until he met me in person. ๐Ÿ˜ณ

It happened like this; I was so tired after a long sea journey, not accustomed to English customs and courtesy, I just wanted to rest, when a courtier told me that some men from King, are here to give his gifts. There were four of them, or maybe five, I don’t quite remember now. They came to my chambers, and one of them, the fatty one, actually grabbed me and kissed me. ๐Ÿ™„ How could he? Is this the English custom to kiss your future Queen forcefully. I was so despised, I totally ignored him. BTW he was smelly too. :mrgreen:

 

Anne Of Cleves Doll
Anne Of Cleves Doll

My Bad…. He was the King, himself, disguised to play a prank on me. Guess what, the prank misfired. I was repelled by him, and so did he. How could I have guessed that this fatty, smelly, old fellow, almost reaching his fifties, could be my future husband; me a damsel in her early twenties. Ewww…. (okay, I am exxagerating abit… but so what, this is my story) ๐Ÿ™„

 

Will the Real Anne of Cleves, Please stand up??
Will the Real Anne of Cleves, Please stand up??

We got married, as there was no out for Henry this time, but that oldie had already made himself clear, that he didn’t liked me. Our wedding night!!! How could I ever forget it. Well, actually I can, because nothing happened. Nothing. ๐Ÿ˜

 

Anne Of Cleves
Anne Of Cleves

He sang it to everybody, that, marriage was not consummated. Can you believe, what he says the reason was? He told everybody, that I smelled. $#@#$. He said, that I was older than I looked, and I was not a virgin. #$@. I didn’t even knew, how the hell did these marriage gets consummated, and he was telling me, that I was not a virgin. LIAR!!!! ๐Ÿ˜ก

 

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

I think, it was just that he didn’t liked me. I was not graceful, I will give that to him. I didn’t knew music or dance, or even knew much about card games. Everything that Henry was fond of, I was lacking it. I didn’t even knew how to flirt. I was a novice in love games.

Anne of Cleves Wax statue
Anne of Cleves Wax statue

He wanted to get rid of me, and actually I wanted too, but I also wanted to be a Queen. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ So many gifts, jewels, and maids at your service, who wouldn’t want that?

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
Anne Of Cleves

Our marriage was not even 6 month old, when he send me an annulment notice. As marriage was not consummated, it all make sense. Now, coming to the question, that was I a stupid dumb girl or smart enough to agree to King’s wishes? Well, I was smarter. ๐Ÿ˜Ž

 

King Henry and Anne Of Cleves
King Henry and Anne Of Cleves

I decided, I don’t want to get married to this smelly oldie and I still want to enjoy all the luxuries of life; so, why not make the King happy (the other way possible), and give him, what he wants? I chose to become his sister, rather than his wife, and get beheaded. ๐Ÿ˜› No, never. I loved my life. A sister, I decided.

 

Sisterly Love - Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones
Sisterly Love – Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones

Thus, I become, sister to the King, my ex hubby. It did had it’s privileges though. I was given a generous settlement, castle, gifts, jewels, and also honor of being the second most important woman, royally, after the Queen, and King’s daughters. I was Happy. Who would want to go back to German hole, when you can live just like a Queen in England, and also got to keep your head intact. ๐Ÿ˜‰

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves
King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

About, keeping my head, I outlived every Queen of Henry’s, and Henry too. Was I just lucky, or smart enough to keep my peace with the most notorious King of my time? Do I have to spell it out more clearly?? ๐Ÿ˜‰ ๐Ÿ˜‰