Tag Archives: Queen

Frolic Friday – Don’t Kill Me Mamma

Image October 10, 2014 jcisnowjs 1 Comment

Girls are Drama. Little Girls are Drama Queen, and when it comes to my Kiddo Tisha, she is The Queen of Drama Queens. 😎

She is her Papa’s Princess, as every daughter is, but she really behaves like a Princess. She decline to walk. You can either take her in your lap or she will travel in Car. But, no walk. Not even to the Park. Infact before she steps out from home, first question she will ask is, “Are we going by car, or walk?” 😮

She is fashionable and pick her own clothes. Get dressed herself, that too, five times a day. Above all, she thinks, she doesn’t have enough clothes. This is when she has more clothes, than her two brothers have, combined.

Well, this post is not about confirming her Diva status, but a recent incident which made me laugh till there are tears in my eyes. 😀

It started one fine day, actually just day before yesterday, when she ventured outside barefooted. What did she catch? A Splinter.

She got a splinter in her foot. 😦

Huge cry. Bucket of tears. Quite normal behavior you expect from a four(3.10) year old.

I caressed her and tried to calm her down. Got my tweezers and needle. Sterilize them and came to my daughter Tisha’s rescue.

First thing I heard….

Tisha: I will Kill. Mamma, I will Kill.

(meaning – I am going to die, mamma. She don’t know ‘die’ word yet. 😐 )

Oh, that almost made me laugh, but I composed myself and told her, it will be alright. Soon, mamma will fix everything. You will be fine. 😎

Tisha was constantly saying, “I will kill, mamma. Save me.” Till she saw tweezers in my hand.

Then there was a loud scream, and –

Tisha: Don’t kill me, Mamma. Don’t Kill me. Please Mamma, don’t kill me. Mamma, what are you doing? Are you going to Kill me? Please, mamma. Don’t Kill me.

I got her point. She was scared.

So I tried to console her by saying, “Tisha, I am your Doctor sweetie. I will fix you. Look, I have these tools to fix your pain, just like a Doctor do.”

Tisha: Doctor? You are my Doctor? (Crying more profoundly now)

Tisha: Doctors are Monsters. Mamma, you are going to kill me. 😥

I was laughing. Yes, I am ashamed of what I did. But, yes, I couldn’t control myself, and I laughed, and laughed, till my tummy hurt and there were tears in my eyes. By that time, splinter was securely out, but both of us were crying.

She was taken care of, with medicine and bandages (I used big ones, just to please her). She didn’t stepped down from the couch,w here she was resting, till her Papa came back.

First thing she said to her papa, “Papa, I got Kill.” 😛

Life

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry VIII, himself

Image September 12, 2014 jcisnowjs 9 Comments

King Henry VIII, was the second Monarch of Tudor dynasty. He was King of England from 21 April, 1509 until his death by 28 January 1547. King Henry was famous for two main reasons – one for separating Church of England from Roman Catholic Church; and second reason, he was most notoriously famous for, was his Six Wives and their fate bestowed by King Henry. Earlier posts were dedicated to Six Wives of King Henry VIII. Today, we are giving King Henry a chance to put forward his version of story.

I am King Henry VIII, The King of England. Actually, I was the King, now I have heard there is a Queen ruling My England. :O

I was born to Henry VII of England, and Elizabeth of York, on 28^th June, 1491. I was second in line to the throne, having my elder brother Arthur, but Arthur demise changed the equation and I became the King, after my father King Henry VII, died in 22^nd April, 1509. I don’t want to gloat much but I was the best King, England has ever seen…. 😎

You may or may not have anything else to do, but I have some important business to attend to (have to play execution with my graveyard friends), so I will directly come to point. I am disgusted by the way, my Six Queens have described me, in earlier posts. So, here I am clearing everything, once and for all… although I know there is no such need, because I am a King. 😛

Catherine of Aragon, my first wife. I married her out of pity, she was my brother’s widow, and was 6 years elder to me. Actually, it was easier for me to marry her and keep the political alliance intact, and also, she was pretty. ❤ I loved her. It was a happy marriage. We loved each other. She was a perfect wife, and a perfect Queen. Coming to think of it, I still love and respect her. I would not have married anyone else, if I would have been an ordinary person, not a King. A king needs heir. A male child. This was the only problem with my marriage to Catherine. She didn’t gave me a male child. Now, when I think of it, my two daughters Mary and Elizabeth have proved a better monarch than my son Edward. Alas, at that time, Mary was not sufficient for me. I wanted to have a son, and I decided to marry second time. One other factor, I fall in love with someone else – Anne Boleyn. Now, tell me, was it my fault that a king must have a prince a heir, which Catherine didn’t gave me. I left her, only because of that. It’s not my fault, you see. Even if it was my fault, well, I was The King, and a King can do no wrong. 😉

Anne Boleyn, my second wife, and my second love too. I loved Catherine, but when I first laid my eyes on this graceful, elegant dancer in my court, my jaw dropped. My God, she was beautiful. Who could not be smitten by her raw beauty? I was. Most importantly she knows how to flirt and keep her man on toes? I was blown away. I proposed and she put condition. She wanted to be Queen, and I wanted to be her King. I divorced Catherine, although it took almost 6-7 years, but it did happened finally. Only problem, she failed just like her predecessor, in giving me a male heir. Also, she used to interfere a lot in my kingly affairs. How could I tolerate that? I wanted to get rid of her. My courtiers helped me in maligning her and later in executing her for high treason. 😦 I feel bad about this now, but a king has to do, what he has to do. Also, I was in love again, with my, to be third wife. So, Anne has to go, no matter what. 😐

Jane, dear Jane…. Oh My Jane. Love of my life. I loved you Jane and still do. Jane was my third wife, and only one who gave me what I was longing for from decades – a male heir, Edward, my son. She was as plain as her name, but she was pretty enough for me to fall in love with her. She was an ideal wife. She was quiet, never interfered in my affairs. Never even objected when I courted other ladies. Above all, gave birth to my only son, Edward. Pity, she died soon after that. Some say, that I didn’t take care of her. What the hell am I supposed to do? She was a Queen, had all the maids, servants to help her. Why the hell, she would have needed me? I was the King. A King don’t have time to take care of his wife. He has to take care of his realm, you know. If she died within days of giving birth to my son, than it must have been her poor genes, not my carelessness. 😎

Anne of Cleves, my fourth wife. She was my one and only arranged marriage bride. Clearly, arrange marriage was not for me. I didn’t even had the privilege of seeing her in person before signing up marriage contract, can you believe that? 😡 but, believe me when I say, that she was nothing like her portrait that Holbein made of her. She was plain. Didn’t knew to play music, or to sing, knew no card games, not even knew how to flirt…. 😮 Moreover, she didn’t liked me either. For her, I was this ill, smelly, old man. I was not the handsome young King, anymore. How could I bear that? I despised her. I was feeling suffocated in that marriage, didn’t even consummated my marriage. How could I? 😡 I asked her for divorce, and she readily agreed to it. Guess, she was also eager to move out of this marriage. It was a happy ending for both of us. So, happy, that I declare her my Sister, and gave her all the money and status to fulfill all her needs. She was the only wife of mine, who stayed happy. 😀

Catherine Howard, my rose without thorns, my fifth wife. She was everything that any old man wish for in a woman. She was young, almost 17, when I fall in love with her. I immediately married her. She was sexy, young and a novice girl. Yes, a girl she was, not a Queen. That was my mistake. Everything should have been alright, if I would just have treated her like a girl, and used her, rather than making her Queen of England. She was young and wild, not to be tamed, and she did just what girls of her age do – fall in love over and over. She was the Queen, still she couldn’t resist the charm of young love, and fall for my young groom, Thomas Culpeper. She cheated on a King. How could anyone in the world survive this? She didn’t. I executed her. She deserved it. I still remember the way she came running towards me, screaming from the top of her lungs for forgiveness, but she had cheated on me, how could I ever forgave her? Never. Not as a husband, never as a King. 😡

Catherine Parr, my sixth and final wife. I got married to her, nor because it was love, neither it was arranged, but rather because I needed a wife like her. She was twice widowed, without any kids, but a caring soul. She was half of my age, but still she was a lady of grace, not a silly girl, like Catherine Howard. She was gentle and polite. She was like a nurse to me. She nursed me well and nurture my kids too. She also handled my realm as a regent in my absence. She was just perfect for me at that time. But, foolishness seems to be the trait of all the girls I married. This one too, took the liberty with her life, by debating me in religious matters. It was necessary to show her place to this woman, and thus I issued warrant against her. She would have gone the same way her predecessors went, if she hadn’t came to her senses and apologized for her unwisdom. I was not only her husband but her King too, she had to treat me like a God and not debate with me. Foolish girl. She survived my wrath. 😐

Those were my six wives, I could have married more… I would have loved to, but my illness prevented me. I was a man longing for love and solace. I found it somewhat in Jane, but like each time, my happiness were always short lived. I was always alone. A lone King. Although I married six times, but I was never satisfied in love. I may have loved my wives or maybe it was just an illusion, I wonder. If given a chance, I think, I would prefer to be a loving husband, than to be an insecure and tyrant King.

Life

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 6 – Catherine

Image August 29, 2014 jcisnowjs 2 Comments

King Henry VIII, was the second Monarch of Tudor dynasty. He was King of England from 21 April, 1509 until his death by 28 January 1547. King Henry was famous for two main reasons – one for separating Church of England from Roman Catholic Church; and second reason, he was most notoriously famous for, was his Six Wives and their fate bestowed by King Henry. These posts are dedicated to Six Wives of King Henry VIII. It’s not a historical fact or document, rather a conversational satirical viewpoint of ill-fated Queens.

Wife # 6 – I am Catherine Parr, Sixth wife of King Henry VIII

The last wife I was. Only wife who outlived the King Henry VIII, yes, this is what I want to be known for.

LOL… I know my predecessors (five Queens), must be twisting and turning in their graves, hearing this. 👿

Okay, Anne of Cleves, I can give you that outlived me, but actually by that time you were not his wife, infact you were his sister. 😛

Enough boasting about saving my head from my Husband’s Love for beheading. Let’s focus on my story.

I, Catherine Parr, was born to Sir Thomas Parr and his wife, Maud Green. I belonged to a niche family, and thus was educated well. It was my interest in learning which actually persuaded me to achieve what my contemporaries hadn’t. I learned French, Italian, Latin and Greek too. I was basically not a needle and sewing kind of girl. 😕 I remember, once I said to my mamma that “my hands are ordained to touch crowns and sceptres, not spindles and needles”. True.

Did you know that I was the most married Queen of England. Henry was my third husband, and after his death, I married once more. I could have married again, if I have lived more. 😛

Talking about my marriages, my first one was to Sir Edward Borough, who died of sickness in his twenties. After my first husband death, I married, Lord John Latimer, who was twice my age, and was already twice widowed. My second marriage also turned into death of my husband by poor health. I was a good wife though. I nursed him in his ill health, and took care of his kids from earlier marriages, like they were my own.

Question now, How a twice widowed, in her thirties, lady who has never even have conceived a child, became the desire of King Henry VIII? Henry, who was only interested in two things a woman can give him – Sex and a Son. Well, I could give him sex, but I was not exactly his type, you know brain dead, beautiful and a young girl. I was a woman in thirties remember? Although, I was still half of Henry’s age. 😛

Henry was old, sick, and actually devastated because of his crushed ego. Catherine Howard, his fifth wife, was just executed, as she cheated on Henry, blowing out that Big Ego of King Henry. He was also kind of impotent by that time. So, he was actually looking for a affectionate wife, not a sexy young silly Queen. And…. I fit the bill perfectly. Only problem, I had Brains. 😎

There was one more problem, by the time Henry proposed to me. I was in love with someone else. Thomas Seymour, was the love of my life, and I so wanted to marry him, after my second husband’s death. But, who can say to a King, specially when his name is Henry VIII? 😐

I sacrificed my love and married the King. I was the Queen. Sixth Queen to King Henry VIII. I was a good wife to him. I nursed him, took care of all his needs. Infact I even managed to reconcile him with his children, Mary and Elizabeth. I took full control of educating them too, specially Elizabeth and Edward. I loved all of them. I would say I fulfilled all my duties.

I was a good Queen too. I was loyal to my King. I was sympathetic to my people. I was loved by everyone, inside and out of the court. I was considered a intelligent Queen, infact, my place was famous for having intelligent debates and conversations. I was also made regent in the absence of Henry, when he went for war.

I had my cons too. Most prominent being, my foolishness to debate with a King. I discussed religious matters with him, and that agonized him a bit too much. He took it as his insult, as a woman was advising her husband on matters of religion. He said to me “ye are become a doctor, Kate, to instruct us” 😦

I didn’t intended to. But, you know Henry…. he soon issued my arrest warrant. Only that I was so loved among all that a loyal servant dropped this letter of arrest to my knowledge first. Only thing that this arrest warrant could have turned into was my beheading….

Only that my wits helped me, and I was quick to act in this case. I ran to my King and tried to convince him otherwise. I said to him, “I am but a woman, with all the imperfections natural to the weakness of my sex; therefore in all matters of doubt and difficulty I must refer myself to your Majesty’s better judgment, as to my lord and head”. His ego was satisfied with my bowing down to his superiority, and this saved my head. Phew!!!

Too glad for that.

Henry died and I was Free. I was free to marry my Love, Thomas Seymour. Little did I know that Love and marriage are two different things. People change in Love and sometimes in Marriage too. It was not a happy marriage, but I did get pregnant this time and gave birth to a beautiful daughter. Only that I didn’t lived long enough to enjoy real motherhood.

Whatever I have learned from my life was, that no matter you are the Queen, or a simple woman, a wife is always treated the same way, and should always try to please her husband, if she wants to live a longer life. Actually if she wants to outlive a husband like King Henry VIII. 😛

Life

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 5 – Catherine

Image August 22, 2014 jcisnowjs 2 Comments

King Henry VIII, was the second Monarch of Tudor dynasty. He was King of England from 21 April, 1509 until his death by 28 January 1547. King Henry was famous for two main reasons – one for separating Church of England from Roman Catholic Church; and second reason, he was most notoriously famous for, was his Six Wives and their fate bestowed by King Henry. These posts are dedicated to Six Wives of King Henry VIII. It’s not a historical fact or document, rather a conversational satirical viewpoint of ill-fated Queens.

Catherine Howard - Fifth Queen Of King Henry — Catherine Howard – Fifth Queen Of King Henry

Wife # 5 – I am Catherine Howard, Fifth wife of King Henry VIII

A Rose without a thorn – that was me, Catherine Howard, the fifth and the most doomed wife of King Henry VIII.

I was born to Lord Edmund Howard and his wife Joyce Culpeper. Big family name but not wealthy enough to nourish the needs of 21 children. Yeah… I know, 21 is too much. Guess my folks haven’t heard of birth control back then. 😛

My father was from a royal lineage, but he was poor and thus he send me to my step grandmother’s place, where I stayed for most of my youth. My granny had so many girls, just like me, from a wealthy lineage but poorer families, in her household. We had a very relaxed upbringing there. What good is your grandmother, if she is strict with you? Mine was not. I loved her for her laxness. 😉

I was a young girl, flying like a bird in open skies, enjoying my youth, in every possible way… If you understood, I had my share of affairs. First was a music teacher. That pervert who wanted to take advantage of me, when I was just all of thirteen. 😡 I did find one handsome suitor too. He said he loved me. He wanted to marry me. He loved me like I was his wife. ❤

Those were some beautiful days. It was like I was living a dream, with my secret lover. My dream could have lasted longer, infact could be turned into a reality too, only if my grandmother hasn’t protested and send Francis (my lover) away from me. 😥 My dreams all shattered.

Not for long. I was not the one to cry over past. I was sent to King Henry’s court as a house maiden to Queen Anne of Cleves. Oh She was so plain!!! What Henry saw in her? I wondered. 😮

Okay, back to work. All this time what I have learnt, it was time to bring all of that into action, and this time I aimed higher. Higher as in, to the top. My eyes were lusting for the crown, the most coveted one. I started the game of flirting and seducing… Who will save Henry now?? 😀

Poor Henry!! He soon succumbed. Anne Out, Catherine In. Yippee!!!!

I was the Queen. Fifth Queen of King Henry VIII. Oldie showered me with so many gifts and valuable items. Only if my dead father could see that the girl whom he has left in others household to survive poverty, is now the richest woman in all of the England. I was The Queen. 😎

Problem with my plan. Did I tell you that Henry was approaching 50 and I was just 17? I was not even half of his age. Well, it was all good, with all those expensive clothes, so many gowns, and crowns to wear, maids to do all of your work, and beautiful gardens to roam around. It was all good. But, for how long? How long, can I enjoy these materialistic things, I needed love too. Not that Henry didn’t loved me. He did. It’s just that… not that love which I wanted. 👿

A 50 year old King, was no match for my 17 year old youth. He did not deliver as per my expectation. Also, he was ailing. Remember his smelly and pus filled leg. Anne must have told you about this. 😐

I have to had an affair. 👿 I am not justifying anything. It was just, I was a kid, you see. I was stupid, naive and young. I was just a silly girl. A silly girl, who was also a Queen. 😦 Who in this world has control over their heart? I fall in love. Thomas Culpeper, young groom of Henry. He was just my age, so young, so handsome.

I was again on cloud nine, in my dreamworld. 🙂 This time, I didn’t even had my grandmother, to stop me.

Alas, I wish, it would be my grandmother to stop me this time, and not that ruthless King and his courtiers. They charged me with treason and adultery. They executed my Love, Culpeper. Francis too was executed and quartered. 😥

I still couldn’t believed it, how a King whom I have given so much love can forget everything, and punish me for my foolishness. How can he not pardon the mischief of a 17 year old girl? I was just a kid? I was his rose without thorn. Only I forgot, that a Rose without thorn is always get plucked first. I still hoped that he will forgive me. He was the King afterall, he could do anything, right?

He did. He changed the law, so that I can be executed. Henry, the King, with no heart. 😦

I was executed.

But…. wait for it. I was the girl with so many dreams and hopes. I just couldn’t leave my dreamworld. I can still be seen in those gallery’s of Hampton Court, where once I ran after Henry to plead for my life. I still scream in that haunted gallery, and if you are lucky, you may encounter me. Just remember to cover your ears, because I scream a lot. 😆

Catherine Howard's Ghost — Catherine Howard’s Ghost

Life, Random

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 4 – Anne

Image August 15, 2014 jcisnowjs 4 Comments

King Henry VIII, was the second Monarch of Tudor dynasty. He was King of England from 21 April, 1509 until his death by 28 January 1547. King Henry was famous for two main reasons – one for separating Church of England from Roman Catholic Church; and second reason, he was most notoriously famous for, was his Six Wives and their fate bestowed by King Henry. These posts are dedicated to Six Wives of King Henry VIII. It’s not a historical fact or document, rather a conversational satirical viewpoint of ill-fated Queens.

Poor Wife - Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves — Poor Wife – Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves

Wife # 4 – I am Anne Of Cleves, Fourth wife of King Henry VIII

A better Wife or a smart Sister??

Have you ever heard of something as weird as this; a wife whose husband termed her as his loving sister?? 😛

Well, if you are any one of King Henry’s wives, than anything can happen with you. 😐

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves — King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

Till today no one knows if I was the smartest of Henry’s wives (to survive this long, you know), or just the dumbest to leave the Queen‘s title so easily. Well, you have to read ahead before guessing. 😉

I, Anne, was born to John III and his wife Maria, on 22^nd September, 1515. Better to tell you now, that I was the one and only German wife of King Henry. I was contracted to marry some other fellow, but you know when Henry wants you, there is no force in the world who can prevent it.

Jane died, poor soul, and King was without any wife for two years. Some say that he was mourning Jane’s death (his third Queen), but I must tell you in secret, that it was rather the opposite. He was so eager to marry, that only after a month of Jane’s dying, he started looking for a suitable girl to marry. But, Henry’s reputation followed before any of his marriage proposals, and no one, I am saying it again, No One, wanted to marry that cruel King. 🙄

Now, you must be thinking, how did I agreed to it then? Well, I was an idiot. You see, I was not educated, know little of English, and had no interest in worldly affairs, so I was unaware of Henry’s laurels till I landed in England to marry him. Then it was too late. 😕

Henry was so much into looks…. ha haa ha…. as if rest of men are not? 😆

He didn’t wanted to marry me before seeing me, that guy was not into arranged marriages, you see, so, he asked Holbein, some painter of his, to sketch me. Just look at it… am I not pretty?

Well, Henry also thought so, until he met me in person. 😳

It happened like this; I was so tired after a long sea journey, not accustomed to English customs and courtesy, I just wanted to rest, when a courtier told me that some men from King, are here to give his gifts. There were four of them, or maybe five, I don’t quite remember now. They came to my chambers, and one of them, the fatty one, actually grabbed me and kissed me. 🙄 How could he? Is this the English custom to kiss your future Queen forcefully. I was so despised, I totally ignored him. BTW he was smelly too.

My Bad…. He was the King, himself, disguised to play a prank on me. Guess what, the prank misfired. I was repelled by him, and so did he. How could I have guessed that this fatty, smelly, old fellow, almost reaching his fifties, could be my future husband; me a damsel in her early twenties. Ewww…. (okay, I am exxagerating abit… but so what, this is my story) 🙄

Will the Real Anne of Cleves, Please stand up??

We got married, as there was no out for Henry this time, but that oldie had already made himself clear, that he didn’t liked me. Our wedding night!!! How could I ever forget it. Well, actually I can, because nothing happened. Nothing. 😐

He sang it to everybody, that, marriage was not consummated. Can you believe, what he says the reason was? He told everybody, that I smelled. $#@#$. He said, that I was older than I looked, and I was not a virgin. #$@. I didn’t even knew, how the hell did these marriage gets consummated, and he was telling me, that I was not a virgin. LIAR!!!! 😡

I think, it was just that he didn’t liked me. I was not graceful, I will give that to him. I didn’t knew music or dance, or even knew much about card games. Everything that Henry was fond of, I was lacking it. I didn’t even knew how to flirt. I was a novice in love games.

He wanted to get rid of me, and actually I wanted too, but I also wanted to be a Queen. 😦 So many gifts, jewels, and maids at your service, who wouldn’t want that?

Our marriage was not even 6 month old, when he send me an annulment notice. As marriage was not consummated, it all make sense. Now, coming to the question, that was I a stupid dumb girl or smart enough to agree to King’s wishes? Well, I was smarter. 😎

I decided, I don’t want to get married to this smelly oldie and I still want to enjoy all the luxuries of life; so, why not make the King happy (the other way possible), and give him, what he wants? I chose to become his sister, rather than his wife, and get beheaded. 😛 No, never. I loved my life. A sister, I decided.

Sisterly Love - Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones — Sisterly Love – Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones

Thus, I become, sister to the King, my ex hubby. It did had it’s privileges though. I was given a generous settlement, castle, gifts, jewels, and also honor of being the second most important woman, royally, after the Queen, and King’s daughters. I was Happy. Who would want to go back to German hole, when you can live just like a Queen in England, and also got to keep your head intact. 😉

About, keeping my head, I outlived every Queen of Henry’s, and Henry too. Was I just lucky, or smart enough to keep my peace with the most notorious King of my time? Do I have to spell it out more clearly?? 😉 😉