Tag Archives: Henry VIII of England

Life

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 5 – Catherine

Image August 22, 2014 jcisnowjs 2 Comments

King Henry VIII, was the second Monarch of Tudor dynasty. He was King of England from 21 April, 1509 until his death by 28 January 1547. King Henry was famous for two main reasons – one for separating Church of England from Roman Catholic Church; and second reason, he was most notoriously famous for, was his Six Wives and their fate bestowed by King Henry. These posts are dedicated to Six Wives of King Henry VIII. It’s not a historical fact or document, rather a conversational satirical viewpoint of ill-fated Queens.

Catherine Howard - Fifth Queen Of King Henry — Catherine Howard – Fifth Queen Of King Henry

Wife # 5 – I am Catherine Howard, Fifth wife of King Henry VIII

A Rose without a thorn – that was me, Catherine Howard, the fifth and the most doomed wife of King Henry VIII.

I was born to Lord Edmund Howard and his wife Joyce Culpeper. Big family name but not wealthy enough to nourish the needs of 21 children. Yeah… I know, 21 is too much. Guess my folks haven’t heard of birth control back then. 😛

My father was from a royal lineage, but he was poor and thus he send me to my step grandmother’s place, where I stayed for most of my youth. My granny had so many girls, just like me, from a wealthy lineage but poorer families, in her household. We had a very relaxed upbringing there. What good is your grandmother, if she is strict with you? Mine was not. I loved her for her laxness. 😉

I was a young girl, flying like a bird in open skies, enjoying my youth, in every possible way… If you understood, I had my share of affairs. First was a music teacher. That pervert who wanted to take advantage of me, when I was just all of thirteen. 😡 I did find one handsome suitor too. He said he loved me. He wanted to marry me. He loved me like I was his wife. ❤

Those were some beautiful days. It was like I was living a dream, with my secret lover. My dream could have lasted longer, infact could be turned into a reality too, only if my grandmother hasn’t protested and send Francis (my lover) away from me. 😥 My dreams all shattered.

Not for long. I was not the one to cry over past. I was sent to King Henry’s court as a house maiden to Queen Anne of Cleves. Oh She was so plain!!! What Henry saw in her? I wondered. 😮

Okay, back to work. All this time what I have learnt, it was time to bring all of that into action, and this time I aimed higher. Higher as in, to the top. My eyes were lusting for the crown, the most coveted one. I started the game of flirting and seducing… Who will save Henry now?? 😀

Poor Henry!! He soon succumbed. Anne Out, Catherine In. Yippee!!!!

I was the Queen. Fifth Queen of King Henry VIII. Oldie showered me with so many gifts and valuable items. Only if my dead father could see that the girl whom he has left in others household to survive poverty, is now the richest woman in all of the England. I was The Queen. 😎

Problem with my plan. Did I tell you that Henry was approaching 50 and I was just 17? I was not even half of his age. Well, it was all good, with all those expensive clothes, so many gowns, and crowns to wear, maids to do all of your work, and beautiful gardens to roam around. It was all good. But, for how long? How long, can I enjoy these materialistic things, I needed love too. Not that Henry didn’t loved me. He did. It’s just that… not that love which I wanted. 👿

A 50 year old King, was no match for my 17 year old youth. He did not deliver as per my expectation. Also, he was ailing. Remember his smelly and pus filled leg. Anne must have told you about this. 😐

I have to had an affair. 👿 I am not justifying anything. It was just, I was a kid, you see. I was stupid, naive and young. I was just a silly girl. A silly girl, who was also a Queen. 😦 Who in this world has control over their heart? I fall in love. Thomas Culpeper, young groom of Henry. He was just my age, so young, so handsome.

I was again on cloud nine, in my dreamworld. 🙂 This time, I didn’t even had my grandmother, to stop me.

Alas, I wish, it would be my grandmother to stop me this time, and not that ruthless King and his courtiers. They charged me with treason and adultery. They executed my Love, Culpeper. Francis too was executed and quartered. 😥

I still couldn’t believed it, how a King whom I have given so much love can forget everything, and punish me for my foolishness. How can he not pardon the mischief of a 17 year old girl? I was just a kid? I was his rose without thorn. Only I forgot, that a Rose without thorn is always get plucked first. I still hoped that he will forgive me. He was the King afterall, he could do anything, right?

He did. He changed the law, so that I can be executed. Henry, the King, with no heart. 😦

I was executed.

But…. wait for it. I was the girl with so many dreams and hopes. I just couldn’t leave my dreamworld. I can still be seen in those gallery’s of Hampton Court, where once I ran after Henry to plead for my life. I still scream in that haunted gallery, and if you are lucky, you may encounter me. Just remember to cover your ears, because I scream a lot. 😆

Catherine Howard's Ghost — Catherine Howard’s Ghost

Life, Random

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 4 – Anne

Image August 15, 2014 jcisnowjs 4 Comments

Poor Wife - Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves — Poor Wife – Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves

Wife # 4 – I am Anne Of Cleves, Fourth wife of King Henry VIII

A better Wife or a smart Sister??

Have you ever heard of something as weird as this; a wife whose husband termed her as his loving sister?? 😛

Well, if you are any one of King Henry’s wives, than anything can happen with you. 😐

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves — King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

Till today no one knows if I was the smartest of Henry’s wives (to survive this long, you know), or just the dumbest to leave the Queen‘s title so easily. Well, you have to read ahead before guessing. 😉

I, Anne, was born to John III and his wife Maria, on 22^nd September, 1515. Better to tell you now, that I was the one and only German wife of King Henry. I was contracted to marry some other fellow, but you know when Henry wants you, there is no force in the world who can prevent it.

Jane died, poor soul, and King was without any wife for two years. Some say that he was mourning Jane’s death (his third Queen), but I must tell you in secret, that it was rather the opposite. He was so eager to marry, that only after a month of Jane’s dying, he started looking for a suitable girl to marry. But, Henry’s reputation followed before any of his marriage proposals, and no one, I am saying it again, No One, wanted to marry that cruel King. 🙄

Now, you must be thinking, how did I agreed to it then? Well, I was an idiot. You see, I was not educated, know little of English, and had no interest in worldly affairs, so I was unaware of Henry’s laurels till I landed in England to marry him. Then it was too late. 😕

Henry was so much into looks…. ha haa ha…. as if rest of men are not? 😆

He didn’t wanted to marry me before seeing me, that guy was not into arranged marriages, you see, so, he asked Holbein, some painter of his, to sketch me. Just look at it… am I not pretty?

Well, Henry also thought so, until he met me in person. 😳

It happened like this; I was so tired after a long sea journey, not accustomed to English customs and courtesy, I just wanted to rest, when a courtier told me that some men from King, are here to give his gifts. There were four of them, or maybe five, I don’t quite remember now. They came to my chambers, and one of them, the fatty one, actually grabbed me and kissed me. 🙄 How could he? Is this the English custom to kiss your future Queen forcefully. I was so despised, I totally ignored him. BTW he was smelly too.

My Bad…. He was the King, himself, disguised to play a prank on me. Guess what, the prank misfired. I was repelled by him, and so did he. How could I have guessed that this fatty, smelly, old fellow, almost reaching his fifties, could be my future husband; me a damsel in her early twenties. Ewww…. (okay, I am exxagerating abit… but so what, this is my story) 🙄

Will the Real Anne of Cleves, Please stand up??

We got married, as there was no out for Henry this time, but that oldie had already made himself clear, that he didn’t liked me. Our wedding night!!! How could I ever forget it. Well, actually I can, because nothing happened. Nothing. 😐

He sang it to everybody, that, marriage was not consummated. Can you believe, what he says the reason was? He told everybody, that I smelled. $#@#$. He said, that I was older than I looked, and I was not a virgin. #$@. I didn’t even knew, how the hell did these marriage gets consummated, and he was telling me, that I was not a virgin. LIAR!!!! 😡

I think, it was just that he didn’t liked me. I was not graceful, I will give that to him. I didn’t knew music or dance, or even knew much about card games. Everything that Henry was fond of, I was lacking it. I didn’t even knew how to flirt. I was a novice in love games.

He wanted to get rid of me, and actually I wanted too, but I also wanted to be a Queen. 😦 So many gifts, jewels, and maids at your service, who wouldn’t want that?

Our marriage was not even 6 month old, when he send me an annulment notice. As marriage was not consummated, it all make sense. Now, coming to the question, that was I a stupid dumb girl or smart enough to agree to King’s wishes? Well, I was smarter. 😎

I decided, I don’t want to get married to this smelly oldie and I still want to enjoy all the luxuries of life; so, why not make the King happy (the other way possible), and give him, what he wants? I chose to become his sister, rather than his wife, and get beheaded. 😛 No, never. I loved my life. A sister, I decided.

Sisterly Love - Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones — Sisterly Love – Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones

Thus, I become, sister to the King, my ex hubby. It did had it’s privileges though. I was given a generous settlement, castle, gifts, jewels, and also honor of being the second most important woman, royally, after the Queen, and King’s daughters. I was Happy. Who would want to go back to German hole, when you can live just like a Queen in England, and also got to keep your head intact. 😉

About, keeping my head, I outlived every Queen of Henry’s, and Henry too. Was I just lucky, or smart enough to keep my peace with the most notorious King of my time? Do I have to spell it out more clearly?? 😉 😉

Life

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 2 – Anne

Image August 1, 2014 jcisnowjs 3 Comments

Wife # 2 – I am Anne Boleyn, Second wife of King Henry VIII

A smart and intelligent woman outweighs any beautiful face or body, and even Men; but only problem in being a sharp woman is, that it’s hard to find a husband whose ego doesn’t get hurt when he unsuccessfully attempts to tame his wife. 😎

Me, Anne Boleyn, was born to Thomas Boleyn and Lady Elizabeth Howard. I don’t even remember my birth date now. Guess it happens when you were dead for centuries. 😳

Anne Boleyn, before marriage

I was not beautiful as per the English standards of that time, but I did compensated it with my personality and charming etiquette. My olive skin and dark eyes accentuated my medium stature. My neck was long and thin, which actually turned out to be quite useful in my time of death. 😆 But, whatever you may have heard of, I never had a sixth finger. I was not deformed in any way, as some of the contemporary writers tried to falsely put forward. Why were they so fascinated to prove me a devilish woman, I may never know, or maybe I was devilish? Who Knows?? 😈

Anne Boleyn - Curious Case of King Henry's Wives : Wife # 2 — Anne Boleyn – second wife of King Henry VIII

I belonged to a high class family, and the only dream that I had, was to marry into the same high blood. To live a life of luxury and dignity. Maybe, to some extent, I have dreamt of becoming a Queen. What’s wrong with that? Every girl treats herself as a princess, and wants to be married to a King. Coming to think of it, I not only wanted to be a Queen, I also wanted to give birth to a future King. 💡

A Queen, I wanted to be, but never a mistress. My pride was too high to accept the second position. When King Henry, laid his lustful eyes on me, I was so unsure of my future. I was not the one who can be used and then thrown away, like the way Henry used my sister Mary. Poor Mary…. 😥

I made myself very clear to King Henry, that I can not be his mistress; his toy, something to play around. Maybe Henry was rejected first time by a lady, and that’s what made him more eager to want me; to have me. Tip to all ladies out there – Play hard to get, but not too hard. 😎 Henry used to write love letters to me. Beautiful poetry and romantic words written himself by the King. Who won’t be mesmerized? I was. Baffled, by his love, his attention. A king going crazy to want me, in his arms. ❤

“Wishing myself…in my sweetheart’s arms, whose pretty dukkys, I trust shortly to kiss…” lol…..

Many blamed me for breaking marriage of Henry and Catherine of Aragon, his first wife. But, tell me is it my fault, solely(some of it I can take 😛 ), if a king wants me desirable; or if I do not oblige him by giving him my virtue before marriage? I think it only made me a better and dignified lady to stand for my virtue. I do condemn that I became the reason of Catherine’s misery. Now, when I am thinking of it, I do believe that it was my karma, which came back to me eventually. Sigh!!!

Henry got his marriage to Catherine annulled, and after 7 years of courtship, me and Henry finally took our vows. Yes, we waited for seven years, who do that now a days? Another tip to all the ladies – Don’t give up too easily. 💡 It was worth it. We had the best of our time. We danced, romanced, partied. It was just a long honeymoon, our marriage. Till I delivered my first baby, Elizabeth, a girl.

Henry and all of England was so impatient to have a male heir, that they were disappointed by the birth of my lovely child, Elizabeth. Never did they dreamt of, that she will become the most successful monarch of England. I am proud of her. Afterall she got my brains and learnt from my fate, that marriage is the only way a woman can loose or gain every sense of her being. She never married. 😐

I got pregnant two more times, but both were stillborn, one was a son. My sole survivor, and I could not save him, in my own womb. I was never loved by the realm, but this was the last nail in my coffin. All that My King longed for, was a Son, and I couldn’t give it to him. But, was it my fault? As far as I know, Henry was also responsible. Isn’t it? 😮

I could never understand, how a wife is just confided to fulfill only one duty, to give birth to his husband’s successor. I was much more than that. But Henry was not in the mood to attribute anything more to my status, than me being his wife. By cheating on me, he devoid me of having that satisfaction too. 😥 How can I allow him to cheat on me? When I have done all required to fulfill his needs? I don’t want to be another Catherine. I struggled with him, argued with him, showed him all the tantrums; but to no avail. He was the king. A king can do whatever he wants.

I supported him in every good or bad decision of his (sometimes I even took decisions for him 😛 ). Whether it would be of severing ties with Roman Catholic Church, and declaring himself as the supreme head of England’s Church, or executing Thomas Moore, Fisher and many more. I supported him, infact, I planned some of it… just to make sure that all the prospective enemies of Henry’s authority are eliminated.

What did I get in return?

A charge for adultery, treason and incest. Adultery, with so many men, including my own baby brother?? 👿 I loved my brother, but, he was my brother. Every sister loves his brother. I was loyal to a cheating husband, that was my only crime. Actually, my crime was that I was married to The King; a king who no longer desired me, because he had found someone else. Another young courtesan who wanted to be The Queen – Jane Seymour. What I did with Catherine, came back to me; and in what way? 😥

I was charged on baseless stories and was executed. First Queen, to be executed publicly. Ironically, in the same Tower of London, where once my coronation was done with all the pomp, now my execution was happening.

That was my fate. I feel happy and relieved now, when I am no longer a Queen, for now I am free.

My only regret with life being, that it gave me brains and wits to attract a suitor but not the patience and obedience to be a good behaved quiet wife, of a King. 😐