Writer’s Block is when you are stuck and not have any thing good to write about. What I am dealing with is somewhat different. I have so much to write about, that I am not able to figure out what to pick next for writing.
It’s like whenever I sit down to write something, normally I would have visualized the starting content by then, but today, the moment I start writing, my mind goes blank. Totally Blank. Not even a sentence or a word.
Instant I will leave my writing table and would stand up to do some other work (mostly to settle down a intensive fighting session between my kids), ideas will start flowing, along with that visualization thing I told you about. :O
At first I thought, let’s start writing standing up. Maybe, I am sitting for writing that is why I am not able to write (weird right!!!). I was so wrong. It didn’t help. I even tried it lying down, took a nap instead (all thanks to kid for rescuing me from a peaceful sleep 😛 ).
Then I thought of writing down something on paper, and not on my laptop. I have heard that some still prefer to write using Paper and Pen. How cute? I also loved writing this way, when I was a kid. Not anymore, it’s just a hassle to upload it or transfer it to blog later.
Still, I decided to write on paper. First thing, where is that damn Paper? I have to go through my Kids stationary and bags to find one piece of nice Paper. Working pens?? when was the last time I saw a god working pen? Oh, my husband has stacked all the pens high in cupboard, so that kids won’t get hold of them. I don’t understand, Why my kids are blamed for everything that goes wrong in my house? What do they have to do with breaking of pens?
We will discuss Kids problems later, first I have to find out a pen. So, my hubby has stacked them up high, so high that I have to get help from my elegant yet fatty and quite heavy Chair, to reach the Pens. Got them, finally!!!
1 minute, 2, 5 minutes… almost 10 minutes…. No, I can sit that long without doing nothing. Scrap it. I am not writing anything now. My inner voice is so angry now. Shouting and screaming (only inner voice, not me, not my fault).
Then I got this brilliant idea. Let’s write about, why I am not able to write? Or, what I am going through? Cool!!!!
Don’t curse me. Yeah, I know I have disappointed you with all my blabbering, but I enjoyed it. It’s fun to write about ones frustration. LOL…. why did I use the frustration word 😛
Today was Tisha’s first day of School. For me, it was more hectic than any of my days in schools or college.
I have never thought that picking up a school for your little one can be such a tedious task. But, what do I have to worry about when I have a husband who makes his decisions in seconds. So, one day he just told me that he saw a school for Tisha and he liked it, maybe we should opt for it. Only if I have a time saving mind! But, no, I decided to search by myself and talk to all the schools available in my area.
Poor me! I went through all the schools, calling them, talking to them, taking appointments for visit, prioritizing them, rating them. After finishing this whole school finding project, I submitted my research to the one and only, my dearest hubby.
It didn’t go to waste, at least I thought so, until he put the enrollment papers in my hand. Yes, papers of admission for the first school that he has picked up. :@
Bad was, when he told me that Tisha has to start from the very next day. What??
So soon. She is so little. How will I manage all? What clothes she will wear? Her lunch, she will eat there or not? What if she wants to do pee pee, and she was not able to say it in time? Or what if she wants to poop? What if she will miss me there? How will she manage on her own?
All of this was going on in my mind at 4 in the morning. I couldn’t sleep. My hubby too. Both of us were laughing in the morning thinking how miserable we are? What will happen when she will go to college? or her first job? or Marriage?
But, hectic part was just about to begin. Getting her ready for the school.
I picked out the clothes, it just took me 15 minutes to match her shirt to pants. Selected a jacket, her hairband and her shoes. After another 20 minutes, her Papa has made me change her jacket, shoes and hairband too. We did argued on jacket, he wanted white one, I finalized a black one. Dress up done. Lunch packed. Some mentoring done. All done.
She was waving bye byes and blowing kisses, and there we were, crying. Next big challenge was to spend the time waiting. You can never understand what all was going on in my mind, when she was away. Who invented kids? Why do we have to be so worried all the time when we are not with them? Why do we have to worry so much?
Time passed, and she was back all thrilled and excited. Full of energy. She was telling about her big day, with lots of cheers and laughs in between. she was all happy, I was too. Just crying inside, to see my little mermaid all grown up.
Kids, Please don’t grow up so fast. Take your time. Lots of Time.
I was watching “Everybody Loves Raymond” (yeah, I still watch the reruns), lying leisurely on my couch. When abruptly my daughter Tisha declared “Mamma, I want something”. Something as in something to eat.
Boy! There is nothing more terrifying than this ‘something’ word. Something means they are not sure what they want to eat. Off course, they don’t want a proper food food. So you have to go through the whole charades of showing them everything you have, and asking them one by one, if they would like to eat that. Most tiring thing is you will always hear no, till the time you feel like crashing on the floor.
Having no other option I asked –
Me: you want egg?
Thankfully, Otu (My 2 yr old son) came to my rescue.
Even when he is eating grapes, that too with a spoon, he somehow managed to get his hands dirty. :O
Wearily, I said “Go ask your Papa. Why didn’t you guys go to him? He is also sitting here. Call him.”
BTW he (my hubby) was also there, just sitting quietly with his laptop, doing nothing. As always. Giving me ‘The Look‘ on hearing his name.
Otu:(again) No. Mamma, I want hanky.
Me to hubby: Why can’t they ask you for everything and leave me, at least for 5 minutes? Why don’t they come to you?
Hubby: because, you are lucky. 😛
(He meant it sarcastically, believe me.)
I started thinking, was I like that with my mother? I remembered my mom saying to me umpteen times, how I have never let her sit for a moment. How I was always calling her for my every little needs. I didn’t went to my Papa, even when I wanted something from him. I always went to my Mamma first and then she used to take my case forward to Papa. I was not scared of him, he is not at all scary :). It was just that I always believed my Mamma understand what I want much better than anyone else. She was my first person.
Back to my lucky phase, my kids. I realized, how they come to me for their tiniest needs. When they are hurt, or happy, or just showing off. They will scream Mamma, and suddenly it will be the only thing that would matter to them, to get the desired reaction from their Mamma. To see, how she kisses their fake wounds and heal them, or to see how she laughs with them, or admire them each time they learn something new. I realized how much it meant to me, that they are calling me first, and not their Papa or to say anyone else in this whole world. Just me. I am the most valuable parson of their life. I am their first person.
I was watching this movie “I Don’t Know How She Does It”, and simultaneously all the attempts that I have made to smooth out my life, kept on playing in my mind like a film. Kind of spooky. Yeah, story was moving on and I realized my story is different. Difference being mine was real, not a movie.
This movie”I Don’t Know How She Does It” is story of Kate played by Sarah Jessica Parker, who is a top shot business woman. She is working and is completely focused on her career, and her Kids. Yes, her two beautiful kids, her family. A husband who is cooperative and supports the hectic schedule of his working wife. Even supports her ill-timed business travelings. He is totally a keeper. She is somehow managing her busy life torn between her personal and professional one, and then enters Pierce Brosnan, (my personal favorite James Bond). Pierce is a big client, a big career boost for Sarah, but at the same time, more travel for business and more family guilt. What will she choose? This new big opportunity to take her career to new heights, or some quality time with her family?
Ironically, it’s always the woman who have to choose between her career and her family. It’s hardly the other way round, when a man has to choose between the two. Even if a man decides to go the career way, it’s branded as done for the family sake. A woman who chooses her career, even when she try to give as much possible time to her family, is always reminded of making a bad decision. How our society on one side talks of woman liberation and on the other hand treat a woman with career desires indifferently.
It’s also shown in the film how a stay at home mother is always thought of as superior to the one who is juggling between her kids and her work. I remembered my time when I used to work, and some of the so called well wishers used to behave like I am doing a crime just because I am not with my kid 24 X 7. Crap! Now when I am a stay at home mom(who works from home), those same people say that I am wasting my education by staying at home. Point to note, you can never please everyone in your life. 😛
Coming back to the film, this film can be much better if rather than focusing on creating a third triangle between Sarah and Pierce, focus would have been kept between the deterioration of relationship between husband and wife. Or, on the kids, who got very little screen time. Sarah was not able to portray the guilt of leaving her kids behind. It does sounds good in a story layout, but these kind of movies banks on the emotional quotient, which this film lacks. It does not connect on so many levels. Maybe, being a Bollywood fan, I am too much into over the top movies. 🙂
However, it’s a nice watch if you want to have a look at the dilemma that a working mother goes through every day of her life.
Keep working, keep watching. Enjoy your life and your decisions. 🙂