When was the last time you have given advice to someone? It could be just few minutes back or a week back or maybe a month back. It is in our nature to give advice and help others, regardless of the fact that the person on receiving end, is asking for it or not. :O
So, what if the other person does not want to accept our help? What if, he does not wants to be saved? What if he wants to drown? Drown in front of you?
What will you do, then?
Human tendency is strange in so many ways, sometimes we want to drown people so that we can rise in their absence, but most of the times, we want to save people. We want to help. We want to give advice. Why we may want to save others? It can be a totally different agenda. We prefer to save those, who we think can save us in future, or who have saved us in past so as to pay their debt, or we may want to save others, just so that we can feel good about ourselves, but most of the times, we always want to save those who we love or we wish well for. We want to give them directions on how to live a better life.
I have seen people giving advice to total strangers, specially if you are a Mom, you will get plenty of parenting advice from everyone around you, even from those who are not yet parents. I love giving advices too. It does feel nice, infact feel like that you are saving other persons life. So, even when I am giving advice to do some physical exercise and eat healthy food, to one of my friend, who is growing in size due to inactivity and negligence towards health. I do feel like I am the one who is trying to save this persons life. I feel good about myself. It does not matter much whether that person will actually start acting on my advice or not.
When it does matter is, the fact when someone close, or a loved one is involved. Our kids, our younger siblings and our family friends; we like them to grow and prosper. We like them, to listen to us. We like them to behave in a way we expect them to be.
All the time, that we are expecting this from them, we forget, that they maybe wanted to have their own mistakes. How can I save you,if you do not want to be saved?
When I tried to teach my kids, how to swim or cycle. I have to first teach myself, on how to loose them? How to set them free? So that, they can fall, swim on their own. Even when they learnt, it was hard for me to let them go. How as parent, as guardian, we always want to hold their hands, always trying to steer them clear of any troubles, how always trying to judge and decide what is best for them.
What we think is best for our kid, may not bewhat our kids have thought of as best. They can have different aspirations. They are allowed to think differently, to go different ways. They may or may not be as successful as we want them to be (in our perception), but they will be a person of their own.
When you are the Mother of Three kids, only thing that is lacking in your life is – some quiet time.
My daily schedule starts with when I wake up and go to bathroom to get freshen up, and before I could lock the door, at-least one of the three kid will be on the door, rubbing eyes and calling for mamma. From that moment to the time when they sleep at night, I am never alone, not for a second.
Yesterday, it was different. Now that my twin boys Otu and Renne, have started their school, and joined Tisha. All three in school, at the same time.
You know what that means? That means, I would get the chance to be all alone. Lots of MeTime for me 🙂
Before they left for School, my first thought was, that I have to actually drag them to school, and they will cry and won’t leave the house. I was expecting at-least Renne to cry for his mamma, and not leave the house without creating a lot of ruckus. I was wrong. So, Wrong. 😦
None of them cried. Not a single tear. Not even a little. Instead, they were all jumping with excitement. Specially Otu, he didn’t even looked back. Guess, they were as excited leaving me, as I was longing for some alone time.
It was bad. They should have cried. I remembered, I cried it first time I went to school. Maybe, my kids don’t love me, or they are just super duper excited to see their school. I prefer to believe the second option. :O
So, they left, and I was still standing their, waving goodbye. I never thought, it would be so hard to close that door and come back to an empty home.
My home had never been this quiet, not even at night, when everyone is sleeping, and my someone special is snoring 😛
I decided to take a long bath. A luxury I could have now. It’s boring to take a bath when you don’t get the company of dinosaurs, mickey mouse, dolls and juice bottles, in your bathtub. No one to pay you a visit in every three minutes and ask you “Mamma, bath done?”
Tried calling everyone on phone…. but, what to talk about. It’s no fun, when you are on phone and there is no yelling in between “Renne, come down. No jumping allowed”.
Nothing interesting on tv. Facebook is dull too, nothing new, same old boring posts.
Looked at the time…. only half hour has passed. Are you kidding me? What will I do for next few hours?
What if Renne is crying in the school? Or, they want to do Pee Pee and not able to say so? What if Otu is hungry or need some water? I started worrying, and it actually helped me in passing some time.
I have never waited for someone like this long. Hours were the longest and my patience…..
Those were the longest three hours, but they were worth waiting for, because when they came back and all three of them hugged me hard…. kisses on my cheeks and everyone of them telling stories of school. Tisha telling about the big green Dinosaur that she saw in school, or Otu showing the drawing he made, or Renne, shouting chicken, chicken, chicken… I want chicken. 🙂
Normalcy returned to my home…… everyone was yelling, and I was smiling, with a small tear holding itself strongly in the corner of my eyes.
“You will understand it, when you will have kids of your own”.
This was the pet dialogue of my mom, which she said every-time I did something, she didn’t approved of (used to happen a lot actually).
I do understand it now. Just can’t say to her, that you were right, Mom.
Just few days back, on Mother’s day, I was discussing with my friends that how girls are always their father’s daughters. Every time you will ask a girl, she will say that she idolizes her father. Then, they asked me, How is Tisha like?
Tisha, my daughter, I know that she adores her father, love him more than anyone else in this world. She will dress up, and will giggle around her papa, just to seek his approval and once he will admire her looks, she will shyly look at her mamma, as if saying, Papa loves me more.
But deep down, I know she loves me more. Honestly. 🙂
(Now don’t feel jealous, Papa. You should be happy knowing that you comes in second best place.)
I was in awe of my Papa too. (still am, and always will be). I think of him as the bestest of best, man on this whole world. No one is even near him (again, don’t feel jealous, hubby). But, with mamma it was something else. I was not in awe of her. I used to have my fights with her, all that nagging and then ending the statement with, “You will never understand me”. She also used to say her famous words, now you are not understanding, but you will know it once you will have kids of your own.
When I reflect upon our relationship now, I actually think of it, as we were more of friends than a mother-daughter. We had our fights, but we always used to make up, we sometimes won’t talk to each other, but soon we used to forget about what we were fighting for. It was like a never ending friendship. We were each others weakness and strengths too. She was always the first one who supported me when I took some of the biggest decision of my life. She was the one who actually inspired me to always take a stand for myself. Ironically, she never practiced that.
She was the good one, silent type, never saying anything bad to others, even when they behaved badly. I was the opposite one. It felt so strange and irritating to me at that time, how she used to behave so good towards people who she didn’t even liked. I used to hate this thing about her. But, when I hear someone talk about my mother, and they would talk of her qualities, I know, showing love to everyone, no matter what, was one of her best quality. I have still to learn that trick. Maybe with time I will be gentle on people, who really deserve hatred. I am trying, mamma.
But, it would be better, if you would have been here to tell me rights from wrong. I still need some learning to do. I have kids of my own now, but still, I want to understand more, from You.