Tag Archives: Family

Life

Wednesday Words – How Can We Save You?

Image July 2, 2014 jcisnowjs Leave a comment

When was the last time you have given advice to someone? It could be just few minutes back or a week back or maybe a month back. It is in our nature to give advice and help others, regardless of the fact that the person on receiving end, is asking for it or not. :O

So, what if the other person does not want to accept our help? What if, he does not wants to be saved? What if he wants to drown? Drown in front of you?

What will you do, then?

Human tendency is strange in so many ways, sometimes we want to drown people so that we can rise in their absence, but most of the times, we want to save people. We want to help. We want to give advice. Why we may want to save others? It can be a totally different agenda. We prefer to save those, who we think can save us in future, or who have saved us in past so as to pay their debt, or we may want to save others, just so that we can feel good about ourselves, but most of the times, we always want to save those who we love or we wish well for. We want to give them directions on how to live a better life.

I have seen people giving advice to total strangers, specially if you are a Mom, you will get plenty of parenting advice from everyone around you, even from those who are not yet parents. I love giving advices too. It does feel nice, infact feel like that you are saving other persons life. So, even when I am giving advice to do some physical exercise and eat healthy food, to one of my friend, who is growing in size due to inactivity and negligence towards health. I do feel like I am the one who is trying to save this persons life. I feel good about myself. It does not matter much whether that person will actually start acting on my advice or not.

When it does matter is, the fact when someone close, or a loved one is involved. Our kids, our younger siblings and our family friends; we like them to grow and prosper. We like them, to listen to us. We like them to behave in a way we expect them to be.

All the time, that we are expecting this from them, we forget, that they maybe wanted to have their own mistakes. How can I save you, if you do not want to be saved?

When I tried to teach my kids, how to swim or cycle. I have to first teach myself, on how to loose them? How to set them free? So that, they can fall, swim on their own. Even when they learnt, it was hard for me to let them go. How as parent, as guardian, we always want to hold their hands, always trying to steer them clear of any troubles, how always trying to judge and decide what is best for them.

What we think is best for our kid, may not be what our kids have thought of as best. They can have different aspirations. They are allowed to think differently, to go different ways. They may or may not be as successful as we want them to be (in our perception), but they will be a person of their own.

That is most important. Isn’t it?

Kids and Me, Life

Remembering My Mom

Image May 13, 2014 jcisnowjs 3 Comments

“You will understand it, when you will have kids of your own”.

This was the pet dialogue of my mom, which she said every-time I did something, she didn’t approved of (used to happen a lot actually).

I do understand it now. Just can’t say to her, that you were right, Mom.

Just few days back, on Mother’s day, I was discussing with my friends that how girls are always their father’s daughters. Every time you will ask a girl, she will say that she idolizes her father. Then, they asked me, How is Tisha like?

Tisha, my daughter, I know that she adores her father, love him more than anyone else in this world. She will dress up, and will giggle around her papa, just to seek his approval and once he will admire her looks, she will shyly look at her mamma, as if saying, Papa loves me more.

But deep down, I know she loves me more. Honestly. 🙂

(Now don’t feel jealous, Papa. You should be happy knowing that you comes in second best place.)

I was in awe of my Papa too. (still am, and always will be). I think of him as the bestest of best, man on this whole world. No one is even near him (again, don’t feel jealous, hubby). But, with mamma it was something else. I was not in awe of her. I used to have my fights with her, all that nagging and then ending the statement with, “You will never understand me”. She also used to say her famous words, now you are not understanding, but you will know it once you will have kids of your own.

When I reflect upon our relationship now, I actually think of it, as we were more of friends than a mother-daughter. We had our fights, but we always used to make up, we sometimes won’t talk to each other, but soon we used to forget about what we were fighting for. It was like a never ending friendship. We were each others weakness and strengths too. She was always the first one who supported me when I took some of the biggest decision of my life. She was the one who actually inspired me to always take a stand for myself. Ironically, she never practiced that.

She was the good one, silent type, never saying anything bad to others, even when they behaved badly. I was the opposite one. It felt so strange and irritating to me at that time, how she used to behave so good towards people who she didn’t even liked. I used to hate this thing about her. But, when I hear someone talk about my mother, and they would talk of her qualities, I know, showing love to everyone, no matter what, was one of her best quality. I have still to learn that trick. Maybe with time I will be gentle on people, who really deserve hatred. I am trying, mamma.

But, it would be better, if you would have been here to tell me rights from wrong. I still need some learning to do. I have kids of my own now, but still, I want to understand more, from You.

Kids and Me, Life

Lucky Are Those Who Have Twins

Image April 30, 2014 jcisnowjs 10 Comments

I am Lucky. In every phase of my life, I have felt that way. God has given me everything more than what I have ever expected (rather deserved). There are so many things which make me feel blessed, one, or should I say two of the reasons are my twin boys, Otu and Renne.

I do not come from the family of twins, but I always wished to have twins, that too, preferably non identical. Two different personalities, just growing together. Not only me, my hubby too, used to say to me, how good it would be if we will get twin babies. We were so obsessed by twins, that when we went for ultrasound, for the very first time, we bluntly asked the technician, “Is it Twins?”. She also responded in the same blunt way, “No”. We the stubborn one, asked “Can you check again, Please? :)”

LOL…. at that time, we didn’t knew that, Tisha, our first born, has already made a setting with God, to send her two little twin brothers, only after she has amply enjoyed the full love and attention of her parents, for some time. She did enjoyed a lot of attention back then, still does, being the only Princess of her Papa’s heart (now, her brother’s heart too).

It didn’t take long for our Twins blessing to reach us. This time, our ultrasound technician, smiled and said “I don’t know if this will help you or not, but this time, you have Twins.”

Then their were Heartbeats, two of them, running strong, so fast and loud, and there we were, all laughing, giggling and with teary eyes. Rejoicing the moment, as we got what we asked and then nearly forgot about it, but someone up there who always keeps track of our wishes, delivered.

Every mother will say, that first pregnancy is special; for me, my first was special because it was The First, and second became more special because of my twin boys. If you are lucky enough to experience motherhood of twin babies, then you will agree, that there is never a dull and quiet moment, when you are pregnant with twins.

One is sleeping, other is awake, one is pushing, other is kicking. Oh… I loved that. It was a special feeling to be aware of two individuals nurturing inside you. I could actually feel them, fighting with each other, pushing each other, trying to poke my tummy with their feet, sometimes. My Renne used to be a full time boxer in their. He still is.

Even our ultrasound time was fun. Once we saw them kicking and hitting each other with their legs, as if they were playing around in their very own personal playground. From our ultrasound tests, we always used to come out crying and laughing at the same time.

Most of the women say to me, how do you handle three kids, specially twins? How did you managed twins? Every time, I recall that first moment when I heard their heartbeats, two different heartbeats. Then I try to recall, when did I feel overwhelmed by having twins? I didn’t. Never.

They were and are, always a blessing and I will tell this to everyone, don’t ever feel that twins can be a burden, they are fun, lots and lots of. Actually double the fun. I loved the time, when I was pregnant with them, and I love it now, when I saw them running around me, fighting, playing, doing every possible crazy thing possible, and then giving me their precious wickedly cute smile. Two different heartbeats, two different individuals, united in so many ways still very different, My Otu and My Renne 🙂

Life, Spiritual

What does being Dead means?

Image March 6, 2014 jcisnowjs 4 Comments

No, I am not being all dark or over inspired by death. I am not built the pessimistic way. It’s just some events and a writer’s theme inspired me to think about it. You now must be knowing it well enough, that what I think, I write.

So, the thought process started with, what it would be like to be a dead person? What would happen to me one day (not soon hopefully), when I will die?

Strangely, have you ever noticed, when someone dies we actually never think about that person. Yes, it’s true. We rather talk about how was that person in the past. We say, oh he was such a nice man, he was very kind, so lovable. Why it happened to him, he was so full of life?

Or we will think about what would have been his future, only if he hasn’t met this fatal end. We will say, oh he was so bright, he was just about to open up a new business. Or he could have been married next year.

Mostly, we talk about the family, which was left devastated by the loss. We will think about them, their future, like what will happen to them now? How will they cope? How will they move on? What will happen to the kids, to the wife?

We are always worried about the living.

Has anyone thought about it the other way, like where is that person now? Is he seeing us, worrying about his family? Is he around us? Is he crying over his own death, or thinking about the crisis that his family is facing? How is he coping with all this loss? Every one else has lost one important person from their life, but him, he has lost everyone, in just a second. He has lost his mother, father, wife, kids, his aspirations, ambitions, future, everything.

What it would be like if someday I’ll be dead? What would happen to me? What if there is no hell or heaven? I will not go anywhere and will stay here with everyone, just invisible. Not like a ghost, or maybe a ghost just without any demonic powers. What if I’ll be just like an invisible person which can do nothing other than watching everyone going on with their daily routine in few days, weeks, or months.

What it would feel like if after a year of my death (hopefully no sooner), I will be sitting on the same couch with my hubby, but he won’t even notice my presence, or what if he is with someone else? What if he is happy and back to his lively self? What if he is same, like the way he was when I was alive? What if my parents who gave life to me, would not even think of me in their prayers? What would it feel like when my own kids will forget about me. They will adapt to their new life, move on. A life of which I am not a part of. Maybe they won’t even know what their mother was like. Would that hurt me? Hurt me more than the death? Yes, it will hurt me. More than the death itself.

But, what it would feel like if after a year of my death, I will be sitting on the same couch with my hubby, but he would be all miserable, depressive because of my death? What if he is no longer that laughing, cheering, and full of life person that I fall in love with? What would I feel? What if I’ll saw my parents losing faith in God, because their precious child is taken away? What if I will see everyone in my family secretly crying and hiding their tears, so that they will look strong in front of others? What if I will see my kids still waiting for their Mamma to come back. Come back from somewhere, but just come back. What if they are still waiting? Would that hurt me? No, it will not only hurt me. It will tear me down. It will break me the way no death can ever do. It would be the worse.

I would prefer to go to hell for eternity than see my family like this.

I now know for sure that I would be content even with my death, if my family will move on. If they would live a life, which is full of Life. I would want them to move on. Maybe, I would be able to move too.

I am not dead. Not yet.

Thus I pray to God, that no one loose their loved ones.

I just pray…

Books

Either “Never tell a Lie” or don’t throw a Yard Sale

November 19, 2013 jcisnowjs Leave a comment

(Review of Hallie Ephron‘s book – Never Tell a Lie)

There are thrillers and then there are some thrillers which are disturbingly weird. Yes, it’s the class of weirdness where Hallie Ephron’s novel “Never Tell a Lie” falls to.

Story is about Ivy and David, happily married couple who are expecting their first child in few weeks. Being kicked by nesting spirit of pregnancy, Ivy decides to get rid of clutter and arrange for a yard sale. Everything was going on smoothly, until an old, not so friendly friend, Melinda shows up. Everything comes upside down when Melinda goes missing and her last known sight was at Ivy’s home. Story unfolds in such a way that it becomes hard to trust anyone around.

Underlying idea behind this book is, should you share every secret with your partner, every mistake and every truth? A lie told to protect a relationship or a person, can it resurface from the past and shake your present and your future.

While I was reading that book, a pregnant friend of mine ask me to suggest a good book to read. I was just about to say, “Never Tell a Lie”, and then I realized that, it’s so much disturbing story, of a pregnant woman, that no other pregnant woman should have to go through reading it.

On a lighter note, the female lead, Ivy in her last month of pregnancy, seems to have the strength of wonder woman, fighting and rescuing herself, all alone. She is also a detective, who likes to enter into weird people’s abandoned houses and look for hidden evidence. One more peculiar thing, a lab can ring you at four in the morning to get your appointment. 🙂

End was a bit disappointing for the feminist in me. Considering that Ivy, forgive everyone involved. Whatever happened in the past, and whoever did that, was a crime and a punishable one. Leastways, the author should have tried to explain the consequences.

Now, that I have finished the book, I am feeling relieved that I don’t have any weird friend. At least not that I know off. 😦