Tag Archives: Tudor Dynasty

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 4 – Anne

Image August 15, 2014 jcisnowjs 4 Comments

King Henry VIII, was the second Monarch of Tudor dynasty. He was King of England from 21 April, 1509 until his death by 28 January 1547. King Henry was famous for two main reasons – one for separating Church of England from Roman Catholic Church; and second reason, he was most notoriously famous for, was his Six Wives and their fate bestowed by King Henry. These posts are dedicated to Six Wives of King Henry VIII. It’s not a historical fact or document, rather a conversational satirical viewpoint of ill-fated Queens.

Poor Wife - Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves — Poor Wife – Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves

Wife # 4 – I am Anne Of Cleves, Fourth wife of King Henry VIII

A better Wife or a smart Sister??

Have you ever heard of something as weird as this; a wife whose husband termed her as his loving sister?? 😛

Well, if you are any one of King Henry’s wives, than anything can happen with you. 😐

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves — King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

Till today no one knows if I was the smartest of Henry’s wives (to survive this long, you know), or just the dumbest to leave the Queen‘s title so easily. Well, you have to read ahead before guessing. 😉

I, Anne, was born to John III and his wife Maria, on 22^nd September, 1515. Better to tell you now, that I was the one and only German wife of King Henry. I was contracted to marry some other fellow, but you know when Henry wants you, there is no force in the world who can prevent it.

Jane died, poor soul, and King was without any wife for two years. Some say that he was mourning Jane’s death (his third Queen), but I must tell you in secret, that it was rather the opposite. He was so eager to marry, that only after a month of Jane’s dying, he started looking for a suitable girl to marry. But, Henry’s reputation followed before any of his marriage proposals, and no one, I am saying it again, No One, wanted to marry that cruel King. 🙄

Now, you must be thinking, how did I agreed to it then? Well, I was an idiot. You see, I was not educated, know little of English, and had no interest in worldly affairs, so I was unaware of Henry’s laurels till I landed in England to marry him. Then it was too late. 😕

Henry was so much into looks…. ha haa ha…. as if rest of men are not? 😆

He didn’t wanted to marry me before seeing me, that guy was not into arranged marriages, you see, so, he asked Holbein, some painter of his, to sketch me. Just look at it… am I not pretty?

Well, Henry also thought so, until he met me in person. 😳

It happened like this; I was so tired after a long sea journey, not accustomed to English customs and courtesy, I just wanted to rest, when a courtier told me that some men from King, are here to give his gifts. There were four of them, or maybe five, I don’t quite remember now. They came to my chambers, and one of them, the fatty one, actually grabbed me and kissed me. 🙄 How could he? Is this the English custom to kiss your future Queen forcefully. I was so despised, I totally ignored him. BTW he was smelly too.

My Bad…. He was the King, himself, disguised to play a prank on me. Guess what, the prank misfired. I was repelled by him, and so did he. How could I have guessed that this fatty, smelly, old fellow, almost reaching his fifties, could be my future husband; me a damsel in her early twenties. Ewww…. (okay, I am exxagerating abit… but so what, this is my story) 🙄

Will the Real Anne of Cleves, Please stand up??

We got married, as there was no out for Henry this time, but that oldie had already made himself clear, that he didn’t liked me. Our wedding night!!! How could I ever forget it. Well, actually I can, because nothing happened. Nothing. 😐

He sang it to everybody, that, marriage was not consummated. Can you believe, what he says the reason was? He told everybody, that I smelled. $#@#$. He said, that I was older than I looked, and I was not a virgin. #$@. I didn’t even knew, how the hell did these marriage gets consummated, and he was telling me, that I was not a virgin. LIAR!!!! 😡

I think, it was just that he didn’t liked me. I was not graceful, I will give that to him. I didn’t knew music or dance, or even knew much about card games. Everything that Henry was fond of, I was lacking it. I didn’t even knew how to flirt. I was a novice in love games.

He wanted to get rid of me, and actually I wanted too, but I also wanted to be a Queen. 😦 So many gifts, jewels, and maids at your service, who wouldn’t want that?

Our marriage was not even 6 month old, when he send me an annulment notice. As marriage was not consummated, it all make sense. Now, coming to the question, that was I a stupid dumb girl or smart enough to agree to King’s wishes? Well, I was smarter. 😎

I decided, I don’t want to get married to this smelly oldie and I still want to enjoy all the luxuries of life; so, why not make the King happy (the other way possible), and give him, what he wants? I chose to become his sister, rather than his wife, and get beheaded. 😛 No, never. I loved my life. A sister, I decided.

Sisterly Love - Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones — Sisterly Love – Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones

Thus, I become, sister to the King, my ex hubby. It did had it’s privileges though. I was given a generous settlement, castle, gifts, jewels, and also honor of being the second most important woman, royally, after the Queen, and King’s daughters. I was Happy. Who would want to go back to German hole, when you can live just like a Queen in England, and also got to keep your head intact. 😉

About, keeping my head, I outlived every Queen of Henry’s, and Henry too. Was I just lucky, or smart enough to keep my peace with the most notorious King of my time? Do I have to spell it out more clearly?? 😉 😉

Life

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 3 – Jane

Image August 8, 2014 jcisnowjs 3 Comments

Curious Case of King Henry's Wives - Jane Seymour — King Henry VIII With Jane Seymour

Wife # 3 – I am Jane Seymour, Third wife of King Henry VIII

A Perfect Wife??? ⭐

If you can, then do ask that man, who had the privilege of having the company of six wives and numerous mistresses; what is a Perfect Woman? Who is your Perfect Wife?

Jane Seymour.

This is what my husband and King of England, The Henry VIII, would have said.

Now, if you want to know, what exceptional quality I possessed to become the perfect wife of a tyrant King, then do read on.

I, Jane Seymour was born to Sir John Seymour and his wife, Margery Wentworth, in 1508, at Wittshire. I did not had, as high and royal lineage as of Henry’s previous Queens, but it was sufficient enough to bring me to court as maid of honor to Queen Catherine of Aragon and of Queen Anne.

I was not educated, or to say in modest terms, I was educated in fulfilling the roles desired from a woman of my time, i.e. doing housework and some needle work. By the way, my needlework and embroidery was quite famous, you know. 😎

I was not beautiful, atleast not as beautiful to become a Queen. Just a Plain Jane. You must have guessed this now, from some of my portraits. LOL. But who needs beauty when a king is looking for a lamb, as his wife?

Ladies, always remember one thing, that men like change. So, they will look out for the complete opposite of what they currently have. That’s how I got lucky. 💡 My predecessor, both Queen Catherine and Queen Anne, were beautiful, educated, and strong ladies with vibrant personalities. In contrast, I was a docile woman, always obedient, of few words, no temper, and certainly no opinion of my own. I was a lamb, you see. 😐

This is what attracted King Henry to me. I didn’t thought of it, not even in my dreams, that King of England would fall for me. Actually, he didn’t fall in our very first meeting, but it was a step. He first took notice of me when he visited my home, and got smitten by my simplicity and quiet nature. I could have been his next mistress, only if I was not self trained by the tactics used by me predecessor Queen Anne. 😉

So when King Henry laid his eyes on me and started showering me with expensive gifts, I declined his favors. Resisting his attempts saying that ‘I would rather die a thousand times, than tarnish my honor‘. It worked. Henry thought of me as a modest woman of honor. See ladies, don’t be easy. Maintain your class and virtue, and you will be respected.

Soon Queen Catherine died, and Anne got executed. Poor Anne!! 😥

I got married the very next day. 😛 Lesson ladies – grab the opportunity as soon as it knocks at your doorstep.

I was The Queen. Didn’t got the chance of coronation, but still, I was the Queen of my King Henry. I loved him, but I was also scared of him. Seldom in our marriage, I have opened my mouth. Never want to displease a king who can behead you in matter of seconds. I did tried to persuade him to make peace with his daughters Mary and Elizabeth. Succeeded too, for some extent. Nothing more than that. I was too docile to change anything else in my realm. Let alone realm, I was not even able to stop Henry from having new mistresses. It’s easier to tame a wild horse, than to bind Henry to a single woman. 😮

Still, Henry loved me. For Forever. As, I gave him what he desired most – his heir – his son, Edward.

Now, you see, why I was a perfect wife? ⭐

I never spoke. I was a lamb.
I never resisted him having other women in his life.
I gave him his heir, Edward.

I died in few days, after delivering my baby boy. I didn’t gave Henry any chance (actually not enough time together), to fall out of love from me, and thus, I was his favorite Queen. His most beloved wife, with whom he took rest in the grave.

To tell you frankly, I don’t think Henry had the capabilities to love anyone, other than himself. I was just lucky, that he didn’t hated me. 😐

Life

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 2 – Anne

Image August 1, 2014 jcisnowjs 3 Comments

Wife # 2 – I am Anne Boleyn, Second wife of King Henry VIII

A smart and intelligent woman outweighs any beautiful face or body, and even Men; but only problem in being a sharp woman is, that it’s hard to find a husband whose ego doesn’t get hurt when he unsuccessfully attempts to tame his wife. 😎

Me, Anne Boleyn, was born to Thomas Boleyn and Lady Elizabeth Howard. I don’t even remember my birth date now. Guess it happens when you were dead for centuries. 😳

Anne Boleyn, before marriage

I was not beautiful as per the English standards of that time, but I did compensated it with my personality and charming etiquette. My olive skin and dark eyes accentuated my medium stature. My neck was long and thin, which actually turned out to be quite useful in my time of death. 😆 But, whatever you may have heard of, I never had a sixth finger. I was not deformed in any way, as some of the contemporary writers tried to falsely put forward. Why were they so fascinated to prove me a devilish woman, I may never know, or maybe I was devilish? Who Knows?? 😈

Anne Boleyn - Curious Case of King Henry's Wives : Wife # 2 — Anne Boleyn – second wife of King Henry VIII

I belonged to a high class family, and the only dream that I had, was to marry into the same high blood. To live a life of luxury and dignity. Maybe, to some extent, I have dreamt of becoming a Queen. What’s wrong with that? Every girl treats herself as a princess, and wants to be married to a King. Coming to think of it, I not only wanted to be a Queen, I also wanted to give birth to a future King. 💡

A Queen, I wanted to be, but never a mistress. My pride was too high to accept the second position. When King Henry, laid his lustful eyes on me, I was so unsure of my future. I was not the one who can be used and then thrown away, like the way Henry used my sister Mary. Poor Mary…. 😥

I made myself very clear to King Henry, that I can not be his mistress; his toy, something to play around. Maybe Henry was rejected first time by a lady, and that’s what made him more eager to want me; to have me. Tip to all ladies out there – Play hard to get, but not too hard. 😎 Henry used to write love letters to me. Beautiful poetry and romantic words written himself by the King. Who won’t be mesmerized? I was. Baffled, by his love, his attention. A king going crazy to want me, in his arms. ❤

“Wishing myself…in my sweetheart’s arms, whose pretty dukkys, I trust shortly to kiss…” lol…..

Many blamed me for breaking marriage of Henry and Catherine of Aragon, his first wife. But, tell me is it my fault, solely(some of it I can take 😛 ), if a king wants me desirable; or if I do not oblige him by giving him my virtue before marriage? I think it only made me a better and dignified lady to stand for my virtue. I do condemn that I became the reason of Catherine’s misery. Now, when I am thinking of it, I do believe that it was my karma, which came back to me eventually. Sigh!!!

Henry got his marriage to Catherine annulled, and after 7 years of courtship, me and Henry finally took our vows. Yes, we waited for seven years, who do that now a days? Another tip to all the ladies – Don’t give up too easily. 💡 It was worth it. We had the best of our time. We danced, romanced, partied. It was just a long honeymoon, our marriage. Till I delivered my first baby, Elizabeth, a girl.

Henry and all of England was so impatient to have a male heir, that they were disappointed by the birth of my lovely child, Elizabeth. Never did they dreamt of, that she will become the most successful monarch of England. I am proud of her. Afterall she got my brains and learnt from my fate, that marriage is the only way a woman can loose or gain every sense of her being. She never married. 😐

I got pregnant two more times, but both were stillborn, one was a son. My sole survivor, and I could not save him, in my own womb. I was never loved by the realm, but this was the last nail in my coffin. All that My King longed for, was a Son, and I couldn’t give it to him. But, was it my fault? As far as I know, Henry was also responsible. Isn’t it? 😮

I could never understand, how a wife is just confided to fulfill only one duty, to give birth to his husband’s successor. I was much more than that. But Henry was not in the mood to attribute anything more to my status, than me being his wife. By cheating on me, he devoid me of having that satisfaction too. 😥 How can I allow him to cheat on me? When I have done all required to fulfill his needs? I don’t want to be another Catherine. I struggled with him, argued with him, showed him all the tantrums; but to no avail. He was the king. A king can do whatever he wants.

I supported him in every good or bad decision of his (sometimes I even took decisions for him 😛 ). Whether it would be of severing ties with Roman Catholic Church, and declaring himself as the supreme head of England’s Church, or executing Thomas Moore, Fisher and many more. I supported him, infact, I planned some of it… just to make sure that all the prospective enemies of Henry’s authority are eliminated.

What did I get in return?

A charge for adultery, treason and incest. Adultery, with so many men, including my own baby brother?? 👿 I loved my brother, but, he was my brother. Every sister loves his brother. I was loyal to a cheating husband, that was my only crime. Actually, my crime was that I was married to The King; a king who no longer desired me, because he had found someone else. Another young courtesan who wanted to be The Queen – Jane Seymour. What I did with Catherine, came back to me; and in what way? 😥

I was charged on baseless stories and was executed. First Queen, to be executed publicly. Ironically, in the same Tower of London, where once my coronation was done with all the pomp, now my execution was happening.

That was my fate. I feel happy and relieved now, when I am no longer a Queen, for now I am free.

My only regret with life being, that it gave me brains and wits to attract a suitor but not the patience and obedience to be a good behaved quiet wife, of a King. 😐

Life, Random

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 1 – Catherine

Image July 25, 2014 jcisnowjs 7 Comments

Curious Case of King Henry's Wives : Wife # 1 - Curious Case of King Henry's Wives : Wife # 1 — Catherine of Aragon

Wife # 1 – I am Catherine of Aragon, First wife of King Henry VIII

William Shakespeare called me “the Queen of earthly Queens”, now when I am in earth, I think of only that moment when I became The Queen of England.

I was just three-year old, when my parents finalized my marriage. Yes, just three, only a child, and my fate was sealed, as the future Queen of England, and to be wife of Prince Arthur Tudor.

Curious Case of King Henry's Wives : Wife # 1 - Curious Case of King Henry's Wives : Wife # 1 - Catherine of Aragon — Catherine of Aragon

Commoner may think, how lucky we Queens are, but just think of it, I was not even asked about my opinion for marriage. Infact, even if they would have asked me, what would a three-year old child, will say about her marriage. 😕

I was happy. Too happy. I was going to be future Queen of England. I danced, learnt all possible languages I can, history, religion, civil, philosophy… there was nothing I had not read about. I was very lucky in that sense, as many of my contemporaries were not allowed to read at that time. Some even said, that I was educated more than my Husband King Henry. 🙄

You must be thinking, how come I was contracted to marry Prince Arthur, and married Henry instead? Well, I did married Prince Arthur, but that pale looking fellow, died in just five months of marriage. We didn’t even consummated our marriage. Urggh…

I should have returned to my home, but how could I have returned to my homeland as a widow, and just a princess, not a Queen. All I was raised-up to be, was to be a Queen. This was the only thing that I knew of – to be a Queen.

I married Henry, younger brother of Arthur, and six years younger to me.

Actually, he married me. 😉 I didn’t had any say, remember. Henry and his father didn’t wanted to return my dowry (I have bought with me 200,000 crowns as dowry, along with African servants, which I was the first to do so), and to top it all, I was beautiful, way beautiful. 😀

Curious Case of King Henry's Wives : Wife # 1 - Catherine of Aragon — Catherine of Aragon

I had fair skin and red-golden flowing hair, short height but beauty like that even Thomas Moore said that “There is nothing wanting in her that the most beautiful girl should have.” Told Ya 😆

But I was not just an eye candy, I have also fought a war for my King Henry, and won.

Henry was the love of my life. I have only loved my God, other than Henry. Even Henry could not deny my love to him. Only thing that was denied, was a male heir to England’s throne.

I had six pregnancies, but only one, Mary, my daughter survived. None of my son lived. With them, Henry’s love for me, died too. 😥

Why it’s so important to have sons? Why can’t a girl is enough, to carry on your family genes and be your rightful heir? I could never have accepted this undignified ideology towards my daughter Mary. She was the rightful heir, and I told my wishes to Henry also, quite clearly.

Guess what? It was not the question of heir, which was keeping Henry away from me. It was that b#$@h, Anne Boleyn. She was my lady-in-waiting, at my court; and she bewitched my dear husband, to fall in love with her. 👿

Not that Henry was innocent, he had 3-4 mistresses before, but this time it was different. He asked me for divorce, and for me to go to nunnery. What??? After 18 years of marriage and one beautiful child, how could he? He even forgot that divorce was not allowed in Catholicism? I will be his wife, till death do us apart.

He was not my sweet Henry anymore. I didn’t even recognized this new Henry, which he had turned into. One who rose against the Roman Catholic Church, and declared himself above the church itself. He was out of control. Killed everyone who believed in Catholic Church and Jesus, burnt them, executed them, hanged them. For what? To marry Anne Boleyn, or to have a male heir, or just to get rid of me? 😐

He divorced me. Got the marriage annulled, saying it was invalid, as I was his brother’s wife, first.

Punished me, by not allowing me to see my only child, Mary. He kept me in his castles, closed, with nearly no help and money. But, I was always a Queen and never signed to his will of declaring my child a bastard. I didn’t, and will not say, ever, that my marriage was invalid. I was born to be a Queen, and I died, on January 7, 1536, as a Queen.

I just said this to my Dear Husband, as my last words – “Lastly, I makes this vow, that mine eyes desire you above all things.”

I don’t know if I am “The Queen of Earthly Queens”, as Shakespeare had put it, but I was certainly Queen of England, and will always be remembered as Queen.