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Life

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 5 – Catherine

Image August 22, 2014 jcisnowjs 2 Comments

King Henry VIII, was the second Monarch of Tudor dynasty. He was King of England from 21 April, 1509 until his death by 28 January 1547. King Henry was famous for two main reasons – one for separating Church of England from Roman Catholic Church; and second reason, he was most notoriously famous for, was his Six Wives and their fate bestowed by King Henry. These posts are dedicated to Six Wives of King Henry VIII. It’s not a historical fact or document, rather a conversational satirical viewpoint of ill-fated Queens.

Catherine Howard - Fifth Queen Of King Henry — Catherine Howard – Fifth Queen Of King Henry

Wife # 5 – I am Catherine Howard, Fifth wife of King Henry VIII

A Rose without a thorn – that was me, Catherine Howard, the fifth and the most doomed wife of King Henry VIII.

I was born to Lord Edmund Howard and his wife Joyce Culpeper. Big family name but not wealthy enough to nourish the needs of 21 children. Yeah… I know, 21 is too much. Guess my folks haven’t heard of birth control back then. 😛

My father was from a royal lineage, but he was poor and thus he send me to my step grandmother’s place, where I stayed for most of my youth. My granny had so many girls, just like me, from a wealthy lineage but poorer families, in her household. We had a very relaxed upbringing there. What good is your grandmother, if she is strict with you? Mine was not. I loved her for her laxness. 😉

I was a young girl, flying like a bird in open skies, enjoying my youth, in every possible way… If you understood, I had my share of affairs. First was a music teacher. That pervert who wanted to take advantage of me, when I was just all of thirteen. 😡 I did find one handsome suitor too. He said he loved me. He wanted to marry me. He loved me like I was his wife. ❤

Those were some beautiful days. It was like I was living a dream, with my secret lover. My dream could have lasted longer, infact could be turned into a reality too, only if my grandmother hasn’t protested and send Francis (my lover) away from me. 😥 My dreams all shattered.

Not for long. I was not the one to cry over past. I was sent to King Henry’s court as a house maiden to Queen Anne of Cleves. Oh She was so plain!!! What Henry saw in her? I wondered. 😮

Okay, back to work. All this time what I have learnt, it was time to bring all of that into action, and this time I aimed higher. Higher as in, to the top. My eyes were lusting for the crown, the most coveted one. I started the game of flirting and seducing… Who will save Henry now?? 😀

Poor Henry!! He soon succumbed. Anne Out, Catherine In. Yippee!!!!

I was the Queen. Fifth Queen of King Henry VIII. Oldie showered me with so many gifts and valuable items. Only if my dead father could see that the girl whom he has left in others household to survive poverty, is now the richest woman in all of the England. I was The Queen. 😎

Problem with my plan. Did I tell you that Henry was approaching 50 and I was just 17? I was not even half of his age. Well, it was all good, with all those expensive clothes, so many gowns, and crowns to wear, maids to do all of your work, and beautiful gardens to roam around. It was all good. But, for how long? How long, can I enjoy these materialistic things, I needed love too. Not that Henry didn’t loved me. He did. It’s just that… not that love which I wanted. 👿

A 50 year old King, was no match for my 17 year old youth. He did not deliver as per my expectation. Also, he was ailing. Remember his smelly and pus filled leg. Anne must have told you about this. 😐

I have to had an affair. 👿 I am not justifying anything. It was just, I was a kid, you see. I was stupid, naive and young. I was just a silly girl. A silly girl, who was also a Queen. 😦 Who in this world has control over their heart? I fall in love. Thomas Culpeper, young groom of Henry. He was just my age, so young, so handsome.

I was again on cloud nine, in my dreamworld. 🙂 This time, I didn’t even had my grandmother, to stop me.

Alas, I wish, it would be my grandmother to stop me this time, and not that ruthless King and his courtiers. They charged me with treason and adultery. They executed my Love, Culpeper. Francis too was executed and quartered. 😥

I still couldn’t believed it, how a King whom I have given so much love can forget everything, and punish me for my foolishness. How can he not pardon the mischief of a 17 year old girl? I was just a kid? I was his rose without thorn. Only I forgot, that a Rose without thorn is always get plucked first. I still hoped that he will forgive me. He was the King afterall, he could do anything, right?

He did. He changed the law, so that I can be executed. Henry, the King, with no heart. 😦

I was executed.

But…. wait for it. I was the girl with so many dreams and hopes. I just couldn’t leave my dreamworld. I can still be seen in those gallery’s of Hampton Court, where once I ran after Henry to plead for my life. I still scream in that haunted gallery, and if you are lucky, you may encounter me. Just remember to cover your ears, because I scream a lot. 😆

Catherine Howard's Ghost — Catherine Howard’s Ghost

Movies

Tuesday Talkies – Guardians Of The Galaxy

Image August 19, 2014 jcisnowjs 1 Comment

Everyone love Comics, and when they are as life-sized as ‘Guardians Of The Galaxy‘, you don’t have any other option left, other than love.

Comic Book - Guardians Of The Galaxy — Comic Book – Guardians Of The Galaxy

I watched ‘Guardians Of The Galaxy‘, this weekend. Actually I was planning to watch ‘Expendables’, but instead went ahead with ‘Guardians..’. As luck would have it, my kids loved it more than I do. Specially Otu, as he is fond of Raccoons…. are you listening Bradley cooper, my son loved your work in the movie, and he is the one who is always hard to please. 😛

Rocket Raccoon in Guardians Of The Galaxy

‘Guardians Of The Galaxy‘, is based on the superhero comic of Marvel Comics by the same name. This movie is produced by Marvel Studios and directed by James Gunn, who has also written the screenplay. This movie stars, Chris Pratt as Peter Quill, Zoe Saldana as Gamora, Dave Bautista as Drax the Destroyer, Vin Diesel as Groot, and Bradley Cooper as Rocket. They all make a team of superheroes coming from different backgrounds and having mixed ambitions.

Story revolves around, Peter Quill, who after the death of his mother got abducted by a set of alien thieves/space pirates. Peter grew out to be a thief himself, stealing an Orb, to sell it in the space market for profits. But, that Orb was not some ordinary Orb. It had the power to destroy every planet and give immense power to its beholder. This is why the main villain of the movie, Ronan, is also after the same Orb. Needless to say, Peter made a lot of enemies in the process, who all are contending to get an hold on that Orb.

Peter along with Saldana, Rocket and Groot, got imprisoned by the Nova Corps, where the group meet Drax the Destroyer, who wants to take revenge of his family murder from Ronan. They all form a team, a team of Superheroes to save the Orb, actually to sell it to highest bidder, and stop Ronan from destroying the Planets. 😎 Saldana who was earlier a part of Ronan’s evil empire, has come a long way from her sister Nebula and Ronan’s immoral ways. She wants to stop Ronan at all cost. So, she persuade the superhero team to break out of prison and go to Knowhere, where they can sell the Orb.

Rocket who is a genetically engineered Raccoon, and is also a bounty hunter, devise a plan for the team to get out of prison and go to Knowhere. His tree friend, Groot, who is all heart and muscles too, assist Rocket the Raccoon, in this plan.

Rocket and Groot in Guardians Of The Galaxy

I don’t want to spoil the story much, so go watch out the movie to find out what happened to the Orb, and our superheroes? Did they make out of the prison, and what happen to evil Ronan’s plans?

What I like most about this movie, is off-course, cute Peter Quill. He is not a superhero kind of superhero, but rather a cute guy with all his boyish charm and cool dance moves, showing his skills on grooving to 70’s songs. He is less of brain and more driven by impulse. Yes, he is lovable. A silly superhero with all the good looks.

Our Superheroes in Guardians Of The Galaxy

I am not much impressed with our green beauty, Saldana. She seems cold and lacking emotions, but fast and fiery. I loved Groot and Vin Diesel voice too.

Vin Diesel with Groot - Guardians Of The Galaxy — Vin Diesel with Groot – Guardians Of The Galaxy

He is a kind hearted soul who delivers his lines, ‘I am Groot‘, with so much passion that you fall in love with him every time, he opened his rooty branched mouth. I loved him.

Groot in Guardians Of The Galaxy, with his Superhero Team

Rocket the Raccoon is funny, having some of the best one liners in the movie. He is the cool dude of the movie, who is always making Drax the Destroyer, run after him. It a good fun to see both of them in a single frame.

Overall, this superhero comic movie is not as extraordinarily as Avengers, but it does has it’s moments, where it will make you laugh, and when you will come out of the show, you will come with a grin on your face. 😀

Photographs

Silent Sunday – Dino Prints For You

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Life, Random

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 4 – Anne

Image August 15, 2014 jcisnowjs 4 Comments

Poor Wife - Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves — Poor Wife – Rich Sister : Anne Of Cleves

Wife # 4 – I am Anne Of Cleves, Fourth wife of King Henry VIII

A better Wife or a smart Sister??

Have you ever heard of something as weird as this; a wife whose husband termed her as his loving sister?? 😛

Well, if you are any one of King Henry’s wives, than anything can happen with you. 😐

King Henry's forth wife - Anne Of Cleves — King Henry’s forth wife – Anne Of Cleves

Till today no one knows if I was the smartest of Henry’s wives (to survive this long, you know), or just the dumbest to leave the Queen‘s title so easily. Well, you have to read ahead before guessing. 😉

I, Anne, was born to John III and his wife Maria, on 22^nd September, 1515. Better to tell you now, that I was the one and only German wife of King Henry. I was contracted to marry some other fellow, but you know when Henry wants you, there is no force in the world who can prevent it.

Jane died, poor soul, and King was without any wife for two years. Some say that he was mourning Jane’s death (his third Queen), but I must tell you in secret, that it was rather the opposite. He was so eager to marry, that only after a month of Jane’s dying, he started looking for a suitable girl to marry. But, Henry’s reputation followed before any of his marriage proposals, and no one, I am saying it again, No One, wanted to marry that cruel King. 🙄

Now, you must be thinking, how did I agreed to it then? Well, I was an idiot. You see, I was not educated, know little of English, and had no interest in worldly affairs, so I was unaware of Henry’s laurels till I landed in England to marry him. Then it was too late. 😕

Henry was so much into looks…. ha haa ha…. as if rest of men are not? 😆

He didn’t wanted to marry me before seeing me, that guy was not into arranged marriages, you see, so, he asked Holbein, some painter of his, to sketch me. Just look at it… am I not pretty?

Well, Henry also thought so, until he met me in person. 😳

It happened like this; I was so tired after a long sea journey, not accustomed to English customs and courtesy, I just wanted to rest, when a courtier told me that some men from King, are here to give his gifts. There were four of them, or maybe five, I don’t quite remember now. They came to my chambers, and one of them, the fatty one, actually grabbed me and kissed me. 🙄 How could he? Is this the English custom to kiss your future Queen forcefully. I was so despised, I totally ignored him. BTW he was smelly too.

My Bad…. He was the King, himself, disguised to play a prank on me. Guess what, the prank misfired. I was repelled by him, and so did he. How could I have guessed that this fatty, smelly, old fellow, almost reaching his fifties, could be my future husband; me a damsel in her early twenties. Ewww…. (okay, I am exxagerating abit… but so what, this is my story) 🙄

Will the Real Anne of Cleves, Please stand up??

We got married, as there was no out for Henry this time, but that oldie had already made himself clear, that he didn’t liked me. Our wedding night!!! How could I ever forget it. Well, actually I can, because nothing happened. Nothing. 😐

He sang it to everybody, that, marriage was not consummated. Can you believe, what he says the reason was? He told everybody, that I smelled. $#@#$. He said, that I was older than I looked, and I was not a virgin. #$@. I didn’t even knew, how the hell did these marriage gets consummated, and he was telling me, that I was not a virgin. LIAR!!!! 😡

I think, it was just that he didn’t liked me. I was not graceful, I will give that to him. I didn’t knew music or dance, or even knew much about card games. Everything that Henry was fond of, I was lacking it. I didn’t even knew how to flirt. I was a novice in love games.

He wanted to get rid of me, and actually I wanted too, but I also wanted to be a Queen. 😦 So many gifts, jewels, and maids at your service, who wouldn’t want that?

Our marriage was not even 6 month old, when he send me an annulment notice. As marriage was not consummated, it all make sense. Now, coming to the question, that was I a stupid dumb girl or smart enough to agree to King’s wishes? Well, I was smarter. 😎

I decided, I don’t want to get married to this smelly oldie and I still want to enjoy all the luxuries of life; so, why not make the King happy (the other way possible), and give him, what he wants? I chose to become his sister, rather than his wife, and get beheaded. 😛 No, never. I loved my life. A sister, I decided.

Sisterly Love - Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones — Sisterly Love – Anne of Cleves Vs Game Of Thrones

Thus, I become, sister to the King, my ex hubby. It did had it’s privileges though. I was given a generous settlement, castle, gifts, jewels, and also honor of being the second most important woman, royally, after the Queen, and King’s daughters. I was Happy. Who would want to go back to German hole, when you can live just like a Queen in England, and also got to keep your head intact. 😉

About, keeping my head, I outlived every Queen of Henry’s, and Henry too. Was I just lucky, or smart enough to keep my peace with the most notorious King of my time? Do I have to spell it out more clearly?? 😉 😉

Life

Frolic Friday – Curious Case of King Henry’s Wives : Wife # 3 – Jane

Image August 8, 2014 jcisnowjs 3 Comments

Curious Case of King Henry's Wives - Jane Seymour — King Henry VIII With Jane Seymour

Wife # 3 – I am Jane Seymour, Third wife of King Henry VIII

A Perfect Wife??? ⭐

If you can, then do ask that man, who had the privilege of having the company of six wives and numerous mistresses; what is a Perfect Woman? Who is your Perfect Wife?

Jane Seymour.

This is what my husband and King of England, The Henry VIII, would have said.

Now, if you want to know, what exceptional quality I possessed to become the perfect wife of a tyrant King, then do read on.

I, Jane Seymour was born to Sir John Seymour and his wife, Margery Wentworth, in 1508, at Wittshire. I did not had, as high and royal lineage as of Henry’s previous Queens, but it was sufficient enough to bring me to court as maid of honor to Queen Catherine of Aragon and of Queen Anne.

I was not educated, or to say in modest terms, I was educated in fulfilling the roles desired from a woman of my time, i.e. doing housework and some needle work. By the way, my needlework and embroidery was quite famous, you know. 😎

I was not beautiful, atleast not as beautiful to become a Queen. Just a Plain Jane. You must have guessed this now, from some of my portraits. LOL. But who needs beauty when a king is looking for a lamb, as his wife?

Ladies, always remember one thing, that men like change. So, they will look out for the complete opposite of what they currently have. That’s how I got lucky. 💡 My predecessor, both Queen Catherine and Queen Anne, were beautiful, educated, and strong ladies with vibrant personalities. In contrast, I was a docile woman, always obedient, of few words, no temper, and certainly no opinion of my own. I was a lamb, you see. 😐

This is what attracted King Henry to me. I didn’t thought of it, not even in my dreams, that King of England would fall for me. Actually, he didn’t fall in our very first meeting, but it was a step. He first took notice of me when he visited my home, and got smitten by my simplicity and quiet nature. I could have been his next mistress, only if I was not self trained by the tactics used by me predecessor Queen Anne. 😉

So when King Henry laid his eyes on me and started showering me with expensive gifts, I declined his favors. Resisting his attempts saying that ‘I would rather die a thousand times, than tarnish my honor‘. It worked. Henry thought of me as a modest woman of honor. See ladies, don’t be easy. Maintain your class and virtue, and you will be respected.

Soon Queen Catherine died, and Anne got executed. Poor Anne!! 😥

I got married the very next day. 😛 Lesson ladies – grab the opportunity as soon as it knocks at your doorstep.

I was The Queen. Didn’t got the chance of coronation, but still, I was the Queen of my King Henry. I loved him, but I was also scared of him. Seldom in our marriage, I have opened my mouth. Never want to displease a king who can behead you in matter of seconds. I did tried to persuade him to make peace with his daughters Mary and Elizabeth. Succeeded too, for some extent. Nothing more than that. I was too docile to change anything else in my realm. Let alone realm, I was not even able to stop Henry from having new mistresses. It’s easier to tame a wild horse, than to bind Henry to a single woman. 😮

Still, Henry loved me. For Forever. As, I gave him what he desired most – his heir – his son, Edward.

Now, you see, why I was a perfect wife? ⭐

I never spoke. I was a lamb.
I never resisted him having other women in his life.
I gave him his heir, Edward.

I died in few days, after delivering my baby boy. I didn’t gave Henry any chance (actually not enough time together), to fall out of love from me, and thus, I was his favorite Queen. His most beloved wife, with whom he took rest in the grave.