I have served food and now waiting for him to eat. Kids are already circling around like vultures, just not for eating but to topple everything and create a mess.
Me: Come, it’s getting cold.
Hubby: Hmn. okay.
Me: (after 5 minutes) Come and sit. (In a high pitch voice now, actually little higher than high)
Hubby: (as if he has just woken up) What? Why did you served it? I don’t want to eat right now?
Me: WHAT??? (I don’t have to tell you, what was my voice pitch at that point)
Hubby: I told you. Not now. I am not hungry.
Me: You could have said it to me earlier. When I asked you, I think just a hundred times.
Hubby: Oh, didn’t I say it. Oh. Okay, I will eat later. Sorry yaar. (With a smile on his face. Not helpful at all)
I am now babbling so many things at once. Putting back everything, before kids get any chance to ruin whatever is left.
After 5 minutes.
Me: So, when do you want to eat? After how much time?
Hubby: Hmmn.
Abhishek Singh
I thought there must be some problem with my hubby Abhishek Singh’s ears, but later when I share my ordeal with my friends, I realized this disease is pretty common and incurable. 😦
Firstly, I am really sorry for this drought of post from my side. Remember my Curious George problem, yeah, my cute sweet two year old Renne,Yes, he is the real culprit. I can never understand how those cute little small hands can have the power to destroy hard disk of a laptop. Well, Devil has never looked better.
Now when I have just explained why I didn’t write for a week, let me now come back to basic point of writing a post. So this happens at a friends place, where I was admiring their new kindle edition. I blurted out that I want one too. Next thing I heard them say was “Oh, So, What do you read? Recipe books? Cooking?”
Next two minutes I was blurting out all the books name that I have read and saying NO in every two seconds, no I do not read recipe books. I never read them. I read real books. LOL, Real books.What are real books?
On the way home, I was wondering why did I react in this way? Was it because I thought of it as a gender specific comment, like you are a woman, so all that you must be doing is cooking? Or was it because a male asked me this question, that’s why I reacted in shockingly surprise mode? Then I realized, he asked me genuinely and he wouldn’t have had any other hidden agenda than to ask me about my interest in books.
So, why did I panic? was it that bad to read about cooking? No. As long as you are reading something, It’s not that bad. As long as I am doing something interesting with my life, it’s never bad. Maybe, it hit me to be considered as normal, a Normal girl.
To be like a normal housewife who has only one agenda – cooking. I am not normal. I don’t want to be normal. some abnormality is required. Not like few extra legs or hands or maybe a tail or horns. That would be weird, really weird. But something extra, as in, a new skill, new confidence of going out, making new friends out of totally strange people, exploring the world, and cooking too. I want it all and something extra too.
God, don’t ever let me be normal. Normal is boring. Normal is like being a couch potato. I will rather be a carved out pumpkin. A scary devious looking pumpkin. Not Normal.
Hurray! Today is The Woman’s Day. Big shout out to that. Yippee, I got a whole day dedicated to me. So, what should I do on my day?
Here are few things which are popping in my mind for the celebration 🙂
Woman’s Day
Let’s start my day with a hot cup of Teain bed. Hmm. Good, I would love that. But,who would make this tea? My husband, off course. Let me persuade him to make a cup of tea for me. But, on a second note, why would I want to start my special day with a bad (not bed) tea. He can not even boil water, just imagine what his tea would taste like? 😛 Nobody should go through that torture. Idea dropped.
Next, I was thinking about not cooking anything. No Cooking. Well, I was actually thinking about asking my husband to cook something, but revisiting my first issue with tea, it is in best approach if I’ll drop this idea too. Wait, I can always order something. Yes, lets do that and relax. Wait, what my kids would eat for the whole day? Pizza? Burger? Oh God, no. But, if I have to cook something healthy for kids, why not cook for all? Idea dropped.
Lets Sleep whole day. Yes, this is what I want. A whole day relaxing, spent sleeping or just lying in bed. So, I will cook food first and then I’ll go and rest for the whole day. Wow, I am feeling so good, just thinking about this. Wait, but I can not even go to bathroom alone. Every other second one or the other kid of mine keeps checking on me. They won’t even let me take a bath in peace, how will I sleep for the whole day? Idea dropped.
What if, I’ll leave everyone at home and Go Out, enjoy a nice long drive in car, a short takeaway lunch, for sure a caramel sundae, go to library and hunt for a cracking fiction book, watch a movie in theater and then come back to home sweet home after spending my whole day like this. Wait, but what will happen to my hubby? Pity, how will he handle three kids all by himself? Oh, he is not equipped well. I can’t leave him alone with three kids all by himself. That would be a third degree torture on him. Idea dropped.
What if rather than me going out, leaving all them behind, for a change, let them (hubby and kids) go out for some fun, and stay behind all alone, and do whatever I want. Or maybe do nothing. Well, sounds good. You must be thinking why not all go out and have fun. Well, that’s like everyday, than what would be different on this woman’s day. It won’t be special, if I won’t do anything special. Is it?
Woman’s Day
Oh god. Woman’s day is not supposed to be so full of planning and work. Leave this whole plan. Why not just enjoy this day like any other day of my life. Just be myself and enjoy, being me.
No, I am not being all dark or over inspired by death. I am not built the pessimistic way. It’s just some events and a writer’s theme inspired me to think about it. You now must be knowing it well enough, that what I think, I write.
So, the thought process started with, what it would be like to be a dead person? What would happen to me one day (not soon hopefully), when I will die?
Strangely, have you ever noticed, when someone dies we actually never think about that person. Yes, it’s true. We rather talk about how was that person in the past. We say, oh he was such a nice man, he was very kind, so lovable. Why it happened to him, he was so full of life?
Or we will think about what would have been his future, only if he hasn’t met this fatal end. We will say, oh he was so bright, he was just about to open up a new business. Or he could have been married next year.
Mostly, we talk about the family, which was left devastated by the loss. We will think about them, their future, like what will happen to them now? How will they cope? How will they move on? What will happen to the kids, to the wife?
We are always worried about the living.
Has anyone thought about it the other way, like where is that person now? Is he seeing us, worrying about his family? Is he around us? Is he crying over his own death, or thinking about the crisis that his family is facing? How is he coping with all this loss? Every one else has lost one important person from their life, but him, he has lost everyone, in just a second. He has lost his mother, father, wife, kids, his aspirations, ambitions, future, everything.
What it would be like if someday I’ll be dead? What would happen to me? What if there is no hell or heaven? I will not go anywhere and will stay here with everyone, just invisible. Not like a ghost, or maybe a ghost just without any demonic powers. What if I’ll be just like an invisible person which can do nothing other than watching everyone going on with their daily routine in few days, weeks, or months.
What it would feel like if after a year of my death (hopefully no sooner), I will be sitting on the same couch with my hubby, but he won’t even notice my presence, or what if he is with someone else? What if he is happy and back to his lively self? What if he is same, like the way he was when I was alive? What if my parents who gave life to me, would not even think of me in their prayers? What would it feel like when my own kids will forget about me. They will adapt to their new life, move on. A life of which I am not a part of. Maybe they won’t even know what their mother was like. Would that hurt me? Hurt me more than the death? Yes, it will hurt me. More than the death itself.
What does being Dead means?
But, what it would feel like if after a year of my death, I will be sitting on the same couch with my hubby, but he would be all miserable, depressive because of my death? What if he is no longer that laughing, cheering, and full of life person that I fall in love with? What would I feel? What if I’ll saw my parents losing faith in God, because their precious child is taken away? What if I will see everyone in my family secretly crying and hiding their tears, so that they will look strong in front of others? What if I will see my kids still waiting for their Mamma to come back. Come back from somewhere, but just come back. What if they are still waiting? Would that hurt me? No, it will not only hurt me. It will tear me down. It will break me the way no death can ever do. It would be the worse.
I would prefer to go to hell for eternity than see my family like this.
I now know for sure that I would be content even with my death, if my family will move on. If they would live a life, which is full of Life. I would want them to move on. Maybe, I would be able to move too.
I am not dead. Not yet.
Thus I pray to God, that no one loose their loved ones.
I was watching “Everybody Loves Raymond” (yeah, I still watch the reruns), lying leisurely on my couch. When abruptly my daughter Tisha declared “Mamma, I want something”. Something as in something to eat.
Boy! There is nothing more terrifying than this ‘something’ word. Something means they are not sure what they want to eat. Off course, they don’t want a proper food food. So you have to go through the whole charades of showing them everything you have, and asking them one by one, if they would like to eat that. Most tiring thing is you will always hear no, till the time you feel like crashing on the floor.
Having no other option I asked –
Me: you want egg?
Tisha: No.
Me: Chicken?
Tisha: No
Me: Biscuits?
Tisha: Noooooo
Thankfully, Otu (My 2 yr old son) came to my rescue.
Even when he is eating grapes, that too with a spoon, he somehow managed to get his hands dirty. :O
Wearily, I said “Go ask your Papa. Why didn’t you guys go to him? He is also sitting here. Call him.”
BTW he (my hubby) was also there, just sitting quietly with his laptop, doing nothing. As always. Giving me ‘The Look‘ on hearing his name.
Otu:(again) No. Mamma, I want hanky.
Given. Sigh….
Me to hubby: Why can’t they ask you for everything and leave me, at least for 5 minutes? Why don’t they come to you?
Hubby: because, you are lucky. 😛
(He meant it sarcastically, believe me.)
I started thinking, was I like that with my mother? I remembered my mom saying to me umpteen times, how I have never let her sit for a moment. How I was always calling her for my every little needs. I didn’t went to my Papa, even when I wanted something from him. I always went to my Mamma first and then she used to take my case forward to Papa. I was not scared of him, he is not at all scary :). It was just that I always believed my Mamma understand what I want much better than anyone else. She was my first person.
Back to my lucky phase, my kids. I realized, how they come to me for their tiniest needs. When they are hurt, or happy, or just showing off. They will scream Mamma, and suddenly it will be the only thing that would matter to them, to get the desired reaction from their Mamma. To see, how she kisses their fake wounds and heal them, or to see how she laughs with them, or admire them each time they learn something new. I realized how much it meant to me, that they are calling me first, and not their Papa or to say anyone else in this whole world. Just me. I am the most valuable parson of their life. I am their first person.
My Journey So Far.... 